


A Matter of Life and Death

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Established Relationship, Post-Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-13
Updated: 2007-09-16
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:58:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 40,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8701966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: sam and dean are happy in their new relationship until a simple hunt goes terribly wrong and the consequences are devastating. it looks like sam and dean are separated forever...or is it? can dean find the way back to his sammy? Note: although there is a character death warning the character in question isnt actually dead and gone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

  
Author's notes:  
ther is noncon/abuse scenes in later chapters but i kept them very mild-mostly just references to past memories  
  
ratings might change chapter to chapter  
  
i included a character death warning but its more of a character death scare if that makes sense?  
  
stuff in brackets = thoughts/dreams  
  
its a work in progress , if this gets submitted i'll try an continue it :P i think thats all i have to say...lol  
  


* * *

(No, no, no! This isn’t happening!) Sam’s mind screamed as he watched Dean being flung across the room and into the wall. For a moment Sam felt his heart stop as Dean was slammed against the wall, his skull connecting with the hard surface making a sickening sound and sliding down to the floor. He did not get back up again, nor did he move. Sam cried out, he needed to get to Dean but he still had to deal with the malevolent spirit they had come to exorcise. Ducking as a chair was lifted and sent hurling towards him Sam chanted the Latin prayer required to get rid of the angry spirit, his head spun and he desperately wanted…no needed…to get to Dean, to check on him but he knew if he and Dean were to get out of the place alive he needed to finish this exorcising now. As the Latin began to have an effect on the spirit its face twisted in realisation, it screamed an inhuman sound and disappeared as Sam finished the ritual.

 

The moment the spirit was sent back to where it should be Sam ran towards Dean’s collapsed body. (No, no), there was so much blood. Sam whimpered as he checked Dean’s injury, blood caked the side of his face, and there was a large stain where his head had lain where he fell. 

 

“Dean? Dean! Talk to me, you’re gonna be okay. Its okay, everything’s fine now…” Sam trailed off as he talked to a prone Dean, the words trying to reassure himself as much as his injured brother. Cradling Dean in his arms Sam stretched trembling fingers and clumsily pushed the collar of Dean’s clothes away as he searched for a pulse against his neck. 

 

“Please, oh please, let there be a pulse” he prayed. 

 

His breath stopped when he couldn’t find one, choking back a sob Sam tried again and almost wept with relief when his fingers detected a pulse, faint but there. Reassured and slightly calmer Sam figured the only option was to get Dean into a hospital. His head injury seemed serious, Dean was still unconscious and Sam would not be able to take care of him with the resources he currently had. Aware that the sooner he got Dean help, the better chance Dean had of recovering quicker Sam worked swiftly, maneuvering Dean into the Impala and speeding off to the nearest hospital breaking every road and traffic rule in the book and possibly more. Fortunately for them it was well into the late hours of the night and the roads were fairly quiet and empty. 

 

Screeching to a halt outside the main entrance of the hospital Sam bolted out of the car and ran inside. “help! I need some help here!”, even Sam could recognise the faint tone of hysteria in his voice.

 

“My brother…in the car…he’s hurt bad…a head wound”. Sam swayed slightly as the medics burst into action and Dean was brought in on a stretcher, surrounded by nurses and doctors babbling medical jargon, words that were so long or complex sounding that they made Sam afraid, afraid for Dean.

 

Snapped out his daze Sam realized that Dean was being wheeled away from him. Rushing towards him Sam shot frantic questions at who he assumed was the doctor in charge of Dean.

 

“Is my brother gonna be okay?”

 

“Why is he still unconscious? Shouldn‘t he be awake by now?”

 

“Where are you taking him?!”

 

“What are you gonna do?”

 

“Tell me he’s gonna be alrite, please!”

 

The doctor straightened, “Young man we’re doing everything we can to save your brother, his injury as far as we can tell at the moment are severe. We have to get him into surgery right now. Just step back, take a seat and I’ll come and answer your questions as soon as I can”.

 

The next few hours were a blur to Sam. Questions were asked, forms were filled under fake names, Sam picked ‘Murphy’ as a last name, and the police were called in after Sam made up a story of how he and Dean had been at a bar and while walking back to their motel afterwards had been ambushed by an unknown number of assailants. The police seemed to believe the story and left promising to return when Dean woke up and gave his own statement. Left alone, Sam paced, drank numerous cups of coffee and watched the clock. A second seemed like a minute, a minute felt like an hour. 

 

Sam thought back to earlier this morning, the feelings of uneasiness that had woken him up. He now realized they happened for a reason, maybe a premonition of things to come. (Dammit! I should never have just shrugged them off!) he raged at himself.

 

Flashback to earlier that day.

 

Sam woke up to complete darkness in the motel room he and Dean had been staying in, feeling extremely uneasy but not quite knowing why. They had figured out their next hunt and had headed to a small town to investigate seemingly paranormal happenings in a house that was haunted by an evil spirit who refused to let anyone move into its old home, anyone who bought the house and moved in ended up dying gruesome, painful deaths. 

 

When the general feeling of uneasiness had not abated Sam reached across the rumpled bed searching for Dean, needing the contact and feel of his brother’s warm, smooth skin. Not finding him, Sam’s uneasiness flared and he was about to get out of the bed and look for him when his senses, dulled by heavy sleep, flooded back and he heard movement in the bathroom a few metres away. Lying back against the bed in relief Sam found his watch, 2:17am he saw, wondering what woke him up he mentally questioned his reaction to believing Dean was gone, the panic and fear he had experienced. (Is it because I’m afraid he’ll decide what we’re doing is wrong, that he’s “taking advantage” of his little brother, and will want to revert back to being just brothers? )he mused. (Or is it that I’m afraid that Dean will lose interest in me and will want to find someone else, go back to how he was before, hooking up with someone he won’t have to get to know and make a commitment to, someone blonde, pretty and busty who won’t care if its just a one time thing… cos I sure don’t fit into any of those descriptions!. No,) Sam answered, (its none of those things.) He had had the same doubts when their relationship had changed from brothers to also include lovers and Dean had firmly and unquestioningly squashed those doubts.( Maybe it’s a premonition then), he mused and shivered when the sense of uneasiness and foreboding crept back, (oh God is Dean in danger then? Is it this case , or is it something else?)

 

Too caught up in his panicked thoughts Sam didn’t realise Dean had come back to the bed until he slid in and his body, cooled after getting out of the warm heat of the bed, pressed intimately against Sam’s. He gasped, surprised that Dean was back without Sam hearing his return, Dean chuckled in response and snuggled closer. 

 

“What? Too busy using that unnaturally large brain of yours too much again? shouldn’t you be out like a light, dead to the world, sleeping like a baby?” he teased. 

 

“Heyyyy why do they have that phrase, sleeping like a baby anyway?” Dean pondered.

 

“Babies don’t sleep like they say babies should, they‘re fussy little brats. It’s hell getting them to sleep and to stay that way for more than a few minutes, hell I should know after having to looking after you when you were a slobbery, smelly little squirt! Nothing helped, singing, pushing you around in a pram…” Dean laughed fondly at the memories.

 

“ Geeze, only you would decide to use this time to ponder about worldly matters rather than more important things…like sleeping.”.

 

Sam turned onto his side facing Dean and couldn’t help rolling his eyes at Dean’s teasing even though he knew it would be impossible to see in the dark, turning he switched on the light from the bedside drawer and moving forward locked Dean into an embrace and Sam voiced his concerns.

 

“ Dean? I think this case might be trouble for us…something doesn’t feel right. I mean I have a bad feeling about this…” trailing off, Sam waited for Dean’s reaction.

 

For a moment Dean was silent, “ Sammy, you know what we do is dangerous…it ain’t flowers and sunshine, not even close. Each time we go on a new hunt its always a possibility that it’ll be our last but what we do saves people, innocent lives, we’re saving the world.” Dean replied.

 

“Yeah but none of the other hunts we’ve done recently has made me feel this uneasy!” Sam heatedly broke in, “and its Sam!, not Sammy” he added almost as an afterthought. 

 

“ Well we cant just abandon this job…we still gotta do our job. I guess all we can do is be more careful and alert, research more thoroughly and go in prepared for the worst so we don’t get caught off guard…really that’s all we can do Samm…Sam” Dean answered playfully, deliberately almost calling Sam by his childhood name more suited to the adorable chubby child Sam had been then to the tall, long limbed man he was today.

 

He loved getting Sam riled up, Sam’s eyes would glimmer and his mouth would go all pouty which Dean found sexy as hell. When Sam reacted just as Dean knew he would he pounced and rolling Sam beneath him, leaned in for a kiss. Sam chuckled and accepted the kiss eagerly. Moaning with pleasure, Sam deepened the kiss and Dean echoed the appreciative moan with one of his own. 

 

“I love you Dean, you know that right?” Sam whispered.

 

“I know Sammy, I love you too…so much” Dean answered.

 

Sam fell asleep locked in Dean’s arms, pushing aside the lingering uneasiness about something bad happening and focusing instead on the happiness he felt in Dean’s embrace.

 

They woke up snugly cuddled together. Breakfast consisted of them fighting over and stealing bits of food from each others plate, questioning the waitress about what she knew about the haunted house and headed to the local library to do some research. They quickly discovered the identity of the spirit haunting the house and from there were able to figure out how to get rid of the angry spirit. Figuring this case would be simple and straightforward Dean had decided they could have the day to go out and enjoy themselves as they could not exorcise the spirit until night time arrived and in the meanwhile they should kick back and enjoy themselves. He had then rather shyly asked Sam whether he wanted to go catch a movie and then explore some of the local tourist attractions afterward because according to Dean he knew that Sam being the “geekazoid” he was would probably enjoy it. Sam’s heart melted at that moment and he realized he was deeply, and irrevocably truly in love with his brother and lover. Sam had never been happier, he didn’t want this day to ever end.

 

Present moment.

 

It seemed like an eternity before Sam saw the doctor heading towards him still in his surgeons outfit. The expression on his face was solemn. 

 

And then Sam knew. “Oh god…no, no”, he groaned. (Please let me be wrong) he prayed, but in his heart Sam knew the feelings churning inside him were right, he knew Dean was gone. The doctor reached him, began speaking.

 

“I’m sorry…extent of injuries…severe…surgery…risky…did the best…”, the doctors voice faded in and out. There was a whooshing in Sam’s ears. His knees buckled and he fell towards the floor, the doctor having many years of experience recognized the shock Sam was in and managed to throw his arms under Sam’s armpits and haul him partially away from the floor before his body hit the ground. Sam hung in the doctors arms, his body limp.

 

“No, Dean, no, no, no…Dean!”, he cried, the last word a near scream of agony. And then the tears came. He had no one now. First mom, then Jess, then Dad and now the most important, Dean. Dean his big brother, Dean who had practically raised him after mom was killed and Dad became obsessed with hunting evil supernatural forces, Dean who had toilet trained him, helped teach him to read, soothed him when nightmares woke him up, who taught him how to flirt with girls and to drive a car. Dean who was also his lover, his soul mate. Gone, forever. Pain exploded in his head, his breath came quick and fast, his body felt numb, his vision was blurred and Sam gave in to the darkness that was reaching for him. Sam blacked out, the worried face of the doctor the last thing he saw.

 

When he woke up, he was lying on a hard hospital bed. A nurse was making notes on a file at the foot of the bed, she looked up when she heard the rustling movements of him attempting to sit up.

 

“Now, now Mr. Murphy, lie still for a moment. You’ve had a rough time, you collapsed after you heard the news about your brother’s…passing”, she said regrettably. 

 

Sam groaned as memories of the day came flooding back. He didn’t want to remember, he didn’t want Dean to be gone. The next few days that followed Dean’s death were a haze to Sam. Numb and cold he arranged for Dean to be cremated, scattering Dean’s ashes into the wind standing atop a cliff overlooking some stunning scenery was the most difficult thing Sam had ever done. Sinking to his knees as the last of the ashes were blown away Sam wondered whether the coldness inside him would ever go away.


	2. Chapter 2

When Dean opened his eyes he realized he was no longer in the house the spirit was haunting. Sam was nowhere in sight. What had happened? The last thing he remembered was breaking into the haunted house and fighting the pissed off spirit when it propelled him backwards through the air. He had felt himself hit the wall hard and it had hurt like nothing else he’d ever experienced, after that everything went black.

 

“This can’t be good…” Dean figured. 

 

“Okayyyy then…” he said. “this is weird…Sammy?! Sammy?!” he called out hoping his brother was somewhere around. 

 

Looking at his surroundings he saw he was in what appeared to be a huge spacious room. The walls were painted a serene cream colour, wide windows graced the walls letting in bright sunlight and cushy chairs were placed all over the room. It was then that Dean realized he was not alone. Some of the chairs were occupied, nearly every one looked relaxed and comfortable and some were quietly chatting amongst themselves. Others seemed disturbed and sat in a daze, a disbelieving expression on their face. Confused Dean approached a pretty young woman sprawled comfortably in her chair. She looked to be in her early twenties and was wearing a snazzy business suit in a bright shade of sunny yellow. Whoa she’s hot Dean thought, but my Sammy’s way cuter.

 

“Ummm, hi? My name’s Dean. Could you possibly tell me where I am? What is this place? I need to find my brother too.”. This has gotta be something supernatural. I don’t understand what’s happening here. I need to find Sammy and get us the hell outta here.

 

“Oh hello. My name’s Jenny. Nice to meet you…errrm you just got here right? I myself haven’t been here too long yet. We’re in the holding room right now. Apparently people have been up and dying left, right and centre recently so admin’s a bit swamped over with work right now...population overload and all.”, she giggled.

 

Dean just stared at her. Realizing his mouth had fallen open slightly in astonishment at the crazy words coming out of the woman’s mouth and he snapped it shut lest it catch an unsuspecting fly. Unaware or ignoring Dean’s reaction, Jenny continued on.

 

“waiting room?” Dean broke in gob smacked, “waiting for what?!”

 

“People need to be processed before they can get into Heaven, you know they need to get all these records found, forms to fill out, records to be made, and then personal escorts have to be found and alerted that a loved one is on the way. that's what we gotta wait for. But don’t worry I’ve been assured it won’t take too long. Angels are very hardworking and organized you see, we’ll be processed and standing in front of the pearly gates of Heaven in no time.”

 

“Whoa I nearly cannot believe this is happening! I mean just this morning I was getting ready for this job interview that I had been preparing for, for weeks. It is, or I should say, would have, been my dream job, and then this happens. Of all the ways to die, its such a cliché…a bus! I got hit by a friggin, huge-ass bus on the way to the interview! And I thought things like this only happened in movies, or come to think of it soap operas too. Hey! So like how did you end up here hmm? You can tell me. Is it like a juicy story? Cos you look way too young and healthy to have died a conventional death”, she asked eagerly.

 

Dean felt horror spread through him. Oh no, no, no. This is not happening!

 

“Are you saying…are you saying everyone in this room is dead? We’re in Heaven?” he asked hoarsely. 

 

“Ohh not exactly”, Jenny answered.

 

Dean felt his hope rise but it was quickly deflated as she continued on to explain.

 

“We’re not in Heaven yet. We’re in a between place, the last stepping stone before reaching Heaven. Its sorta like when you go to the airport and you’re in transit for a coupla hours, you know while the plane is checked, luggage transported etc, etc. You gotta just sit down in the lounge and wait for your flight to be called before you can board. But yeah we are dead, we have passed over.”, she confirmed.

 

Dean sank back into the chair behind him. No, Sammy. Sammy was still alive and now he was alone. A surge of energy rushed through him and he jumped back up.

 

“No I will not accept this. I’m going back. Back to my brother, he needs me. Who’s in charge here? I gotta talk to them…convince them to send me back.”, Dean argued.

 

“Is there a problem here Dean?”

 

Dean spun around to see who the voice belonged to. His eyes widened slightly, of his many years of hunting and witnessing of supernatural creatures and things he had never witnessed such a amazing sight as this.

 

“Oh hi Mark!”, Jenny chirped as she too turned around to see who was addressing Dean.

 

Dean was gob smacked at the casual, perky tone Jenny used to greet the angel. ‘Mark’ was a six foot tall absolute hottie in faded low slung jeans and tight black t-shirt graced with short spiky blond hair, bright blue eyes, lips made for kissing, a muscular chest, slim hips and long, long legs. And adding to that vision of hotness were huge white, feathery wings fluttering lazily at his back.

 

“Jenny”, Mark smiled at her, revealing straight pearly white teeth. “I’ve been told everything has been sorted and you are now able to pass through the pearly gates. Just step through that door over there.”, he pointed to a wooden door delicately engraved with a winding ivy pattern.

 

“Once you step through there should be someone there waiting for you who will help escort you through to Heaven. If I recall correctly I believe it‘s your Grandpa Dan?” he explained.

 

“Really! How cool.”, Jenny squealed. Impulsively throwing her arms around Mark, she gave him a peck on the cheek and then threw herself into Dean’s arms giving him the same treatment. “Goodbye Dean, good luck ok?” and headed to the door without a backward glance.

 

“Now what was it you wanted to talk about Dean?” Mark queried.

 

Regaining his thoughts Dean answered “Send me back. I don’t belong here. I need to get back to my brother, he needs me.”.

 

“Dean, you’re dead. We can’t just send you back. It’s not how things are done here. A lot of people react just like you are right now. They don’t want to leave loved ones behind and alone but things happen the way they are supposed to and there’s no changing that. You‘ve fought forces of evil nearly all your life, loved your family and that’s why you are here now, it‘s time for you to relax, this is your reward.” Mark said.

 

“No! this is not what I want, not now! I need to be with Sammy, I have to protect him. He’s got no one else.” Dean raged.

 

“Send. Me. Back. Now”, the words said menacingly, teeth gritted.

 

Mark was about to argue, his mouth opened to continue his speech when he tilted his head, as if listening to something Dean couldn’t hear. “Just a moment Dean”, he said and disappeared in a flurry of feathers.

 

Surprised Dean wondered where Mark had left to so abruptly. He wondered what Sammy was doing now. If he was coping with Dean’s death. He still thought it was pretty weird he was dead and yet he was standing here feeling perfectly fine. A moment later Mark reappeared and again Dean was hit with the vision of sexiness before him.

 

“Look I don’t care what you and anyone else says I am going back to Sammy and I’m-”

 

“it’s been decided that you can go back Dean”, Mark cut in.

 

“Wha…what did you say?” Dean asked shocked, not sure if he had really heard those words.

 

“The powers to be from above have decided that you can have your wish and be sent back”, Mark confirmed.

 

“One thing though. You are definitely dead and we can’t exactly send you back as your original self…the dead don’t come back to life. We had better move quickly if you want to get back to your brother soon. Time here is different to the time to the living. Sam has been living with your death behind him for almost 3 months now.”, he revealed.

 

“What?! That’s not good…how do I get back to Sammy then?”, Dean asked puzzled.

 

Mark looked uncomfortable for a moment and Dean realized he would probably not like whatever he had to say. “Okay I think I’d rather show you and then explain it all, might be easier to understand. Grab hold of me.”. With that he placed his hand on Dean’s shoulder and before Dean could blink he realized they were standing in an alleyway in who knows where. It was nighttime, the alley stank of rotten trash and sewer water. Dean shivered, it was chilly and he also felt defenseless realizing he was unarmed and a dark alleyway was not exactly the ideal place to be right now. 

 

“Dean?”, Mark asked, “are you sure this is what you want?”.

 

“I’m sure Mark, this is what I want. What are we doing here?”

 

At Dean’s question Mark turned and pointed to the end of the alleyway. Dean’s eyes adjusted to the dark and he saw a figure huddled on the ground. 

 

“As I mentioned earlier we can’t return your soul to your original body Dean. What we can do is allow your soul to inhabit another body. This guy’s been beaten up pretty bad, in a moment his soul is going to leave his body and pass over to the other side, while that happens you have permission to take this body. There is one setback though Dean, this poor guy has had a rough time of it lately, most of his life really. Abandoned baby, foster child, bounced around in many foster homes, no one really cared for him, some of the last foster homes he was in he was…abused by unsavory foster parents, he ran away, was forced to live on the street and fend for himself doing things no child should have to, to survive. I think that’s why, when he passes over he’s not taking his memories with him, just his soul. So if you decide to take his body you’re going to be stuck with his and your memories. That might be a problem, this is an unusual situation and I’m not quite sure what’s going to happen when you regain consciousness…you might not remember who you are, you might think you’re him.” Mark explained carefully.

 

Dean was struck with uncertainty, could he do this? All this seemed unreal, as if a bad dream. “What if that happens? What if I cant remember who I really am?” he asked panicky.

 

“Well I believe you would eventually remember. Especially if there are certain triggers that will tug at your memory. People, places, names, food, smells, music, events and so on.”

 

“Wait, do I have to have this guy? isn’t there someone else less…mucked up I could take?” Dean asked.

 

Mark sighed. “I’m sorry but this is the best I can do at this moment. This guy is the closest geographically to your brother. Your brother is in California, we‘re just a couple hours out of California now. He’s gone back to college but he’s still hunting whenever possible. We have one possible prospect in Idaho, a 10 year old boy is drowning in his backyard pool at this moment. There’s a 82 year old lady in Washington suffering a heart attack in her apartment and a 23 year old man being help up in a bank robbery who’s going to be shot and killed in the next few minutes. That guy is promising but he’s the furthest away from California. It would take you weeks to get to your brother…providing you remember when you wake up. I don’t think you find the other prospects…enticing. This guy is the best I have at this point in time.”

 

Dean sighed resigned and squared his shoulders. “Right I’ve made up I my mind. I’m ready, what do I do?”.

 

Mark smiled “okay before we get this done. Your new name is Julian. Julian Morrison and you are 18 years old. Julian’s memories should let you know whatever else you want to know. Okay lets get this done.”. walking over to the prone figure Mark motioned Dean over “Just place your hands on him and I’ll do the rest”. Dean did as he was told, he looked at the man he was soon going to be and tried to see what he was going to look like. However the poor guy was beaten bloody and the lack of light in the alleyway gave Dean very little visual impression of the man’s appearance. 

 

“You’re going to wake up feeling like a truck has hit you” Mark joked “but don’t worry, help is on the way. Your brother is very lucky to have you. Goodbye Dean, and good luck ok?”

 

“Thanks Mark” Dean said sincerely. I’m coming Sammy, hold on, and before he could say or think anything else his vision became hazy and a weird sensation rushed through him. Everything went black.

 

Mark stared at the man on the ground and sighed. Dean had a difficult road to travel, but his love for Sam was strong. He could feel in his heart that they would be alright. Before he left Mark reached a hand into his jeans pocket and pulled something out. It was Dean’s pendant, the protective symbol hanging on a simple string of black leather. Feeling Dean/Julian would be needing it Mark slipped it around the unconscious man’s neck before disappearing into the night as ambulance sirens became more louder as help approached.

 

When Julian opened his eyes his head was pounding and his entire body felt sore. A groan slipped past his dry lips. From the amount of pain he was in, he would be pretty safe in betting he was still alive. He hurt too much to have died. His vision was blurry but he realized he was in a moving vehicle. A face hovered over his, the details of this person bleary but Julian could see it was a man, he seemed to be in his mid to late 30’s with short brown hair and clipped beard. 

 

“It’s gonna be alright son. Just lie still. I’m a paramedic, you’re on the way to the hospital now.” he soothed. Julian’s first instincts were to cower away from the man, he was too close to him and he disliked being in such close proximity to strangers, especially men and avoided it whenever he could help it. He felt exhausted to the bone so he closed his eyes, the last thing he remembered before slipping back into unconsciousness was of an image flashing through his mind. It was an image of a young man, tall and long limbed, early to mid twenties, he estimated, with a mop of brown hair, expressive eyes and a sweet smile. Do I know you? Julian asked in his mind, why do you look so familiar? I’ve never seen you before in my life. Why do I feel as if I know you? Who are you?


	3. Chapter 3

“Okay then students, that concludes the end of today’s lecture. Be sure to read chapters 10, 11 and 13 before our next class and a reminder that that essay is due in a week and a half’s time, so for those who haven’t made much progress on it lately I would advise you get a move on with that. Oh and Sam Winchester? Please stay behind class for a few minutes, I have something I would like to discuss.”, Sam’s professor droned. Sam snapped out of his semi daze as he heard his name called. As all the other students in the lecture hall quickly packed their stuff and filed out the door eager to finish a long day of lectures and study Sam lingered behind wondering detachedly what his professor wanted to discuss and if it would take long, he didn’t really feel up to getting into something too involving. What he wanted was to go home and crash onto his bed and just sleep. A headache nagged in his head, he had stumbled back to his apartment in the early hours of the morning returning from a hunt a few hours away from Stanford totally drained. The case hadn’t been difficult but it was the fact that he no longer had Dean with him that had affected him so much. I miss him so much he mourned.

 

The professor cleared his throat “first of all Sam I would just like to say that I’m glad you’re back studying at Stanford. I remember you from a few years ago”, Professor McKenna had been one of Sam’s professors when Sam had first come to Stanford. When Sam had been reaccepted into Stanford Sam had been pleased to find the same professor teaching one of his units.

 

“You have a lot of potential and I know you work very hard. I was very sorry to hear about the death of your girlfriend. I also remember her from back then, she was a bright girl. While I have no complaints at all about your work since you’ve come back I’ve been a little concerned about you missing classes, arriving late and also about the state you come to class in…all bruised up and injured.” he stated.

 

Ahh crap! Sam thought. His latest hunt had not left him uninjured and mark free. He had a healing scratch running from his forehead to mid cheek, a bluish blackish bruise had formed on his cheekbone on the other side of his face and he was limping slightly after landing a little too heavily on his ankle during the hunt. Sam had covered up whatever bruises or scratches he got when hunting with his usual baggy clothes, not going to class if he had any injury that looked really stood out and which would bring up a lot of questions he couldn’t answer and trying to blend in with the crowd as much as he could do. Which was a bit difficult with his height towering over most as well as his inability to not participate in discussions during class as well as asking and answering intelligent questions whenever possible.

 

“Are you in trouble? If there is anything bothering you I’m sure I or someone else will be able to help. You don’t have to worry on your own, there are many people out there who can support and help you if you are having any kind of problem. Do you want to talk about it?”, the professor offered. Sam wanted to just spout out a smooth cover up about his injuries and missing class but he could hear through the professor’s tone that he would not let the issue go without a reasonable explanation and that he suspected something major was going on, he would not be easily fooled.

 

Sam tried to give an answer that was vaguely truthful which would satisfy the professor. “I’m fine”, he lied smoothly. “ it’s just that I’ve been getting over some rough times lately. I needed to get away from here, memories of Jess and all, and I also had some family commitments I had to see to which took awhile. I’m really sorry about missing some classes and all but I’m kind of balancing study with a ….part time job that takes a lot of my spare time outside of college. It’s really taxing sometimes but this job is pretty important to me. This job requires that I’m alert and prepared at all times but sometimes I slip up and that’s why I end up coming to class a little bruised up. But it’s nothing really, just a bruise or two every now and then. I‘m totally fine. I‘m sorry professor…but I really have to get going”, Sam rushed out hoping the professor would accept the answer so he could get out of there.

 

“Well…ok then. But if you have any concerns at all don’t be shy about approaching me or anyone else for help alrite? I‘ll see you next class then?” the professor answered a little reluctantly.

 

“Oh yeah. Sure. Bye.”, Sam answered and rushed out the class, relieved to be let off.

 

As Sam strode out into the fading sunlight and headed towards his apartment a few blocks away from the college a voice rang out behind him. “Sam! Hey man wait up!”. Sam turned around and saw Ben, one of the other students in a few of his classes with whom he had become friends with hurrying to catch up with him. Ben was a few years younger than him but then again at 25 Sam was older than the majority of the other students Sam interacted with in his classes( most who were 18, 19, 20 or 21) and Sam found Ben to be great company, easy going, friendly with a wacky personality and sense of humour. He was a good looking guy with light brown hair sporting the latest fashionable haircut, had honest hazel eyes and a sincere smile.

 

“Hey dude what did the proff wanna talk to you about?” he asked curiously.

 

“Oh nothing much, just wanted to say he was glad I’m back to college, stuff like that.” Sam answered. Ben nodded knowingly, the day Sam had returned to college he had been recognized by a former professor who had inadvertently let loose Sam’s “story” in front of Sam’s new peers. The unexplained fire in his apartment, the death of his girlfriend and his sudden dropping out of college when he was doing so well and of his mysterious disappearance after that night. Many of Sam’s peers and new friends had been intrigued about the mysteriousness of it all but had willingly accepted Sam into their circle of friends. They discovered he was intelligent but didn’t flaunt it, was easy to get along with and very dependable. They attributed his quietness, seriousness and reluctance to party wild to grief for his girlfriend’s death and coming back to where it all happened. They invited him out whenever they planned a wild night out or get-together but did not push when he refused thinking he was still getting over Jess and was not up to all night boozing and partying, they accepted his lies when they questioned him about his missing classes, his bruises and injuries and exactly what his ‘part-time job’ was.

 

“Yeah? that’s cool. Thought he’d like, want to rip into ya for missin classes and stuff…not that you do that often of course, brainiac that you are.”, Ben continued.

 

“Actually…”, Sam admitted and tried to joke it off “that came up too, I think the proff thinks I’m involved in something…unsavory or illegal that’s making me miss class and show up a little roughed up and all. He wanted me to talk about my problems to someone and all”.

 

Ben laughed. “You’re kidding right? Sam Winchester doing something illegal? I can’t even imagine that. That’s so way out there dude.”. While Ben could honestly not imagine Sam doing anything illegal or unsavory he was worried about his new pal. Sam often came to class with unexplained injuries which he brushed off with feeble excuses. He had known Sam for over 3 months now and he still could not get Sam to tell him or anyone else where he worked and what he did outside of college when he disappeared for hours or in a few cases days at a time. There was nothing about Sam that said ‘criminal’, ‘untrustworthy’ or ‘dangerous’ but there was a hardness, that was only apparent if you looked hard enough, about him that said he had seen and experienced hardships in his life. When Ben had first noticed this he had thought it was because he had lost a girl with whom he had been serious about and the fact that he said he had no family, but now Ben wasn’t so sure, he had a hunch that there was more to the story. He wondered if Sam would ever trust him enough to confide in him about it.

 

“Hey Sam I’m ordering pizza for the gang tonight so you wanna drop in and have a few slices and a beer or two? I’ve got Danny, Margo, Anna, and Billy dropping in. Oh yeah Reno said he might come over later too. So what do you say? You in? It‘ll be fun just chilling on the couch and all. You gotta come ”, Ben persuaded. Sam didn’t get out much outside of college and his job and Ben thought Sam needed a push to be around other people again and move on with his life.

 

Sam tried to refuse by pleading exhaustion but Ben just brushed it away by explaining the get- together wasn’t until later that night and that Sam would have the next couple of hours to nap and do whatever he want. Sam gave in, he did enjoy being around other college students like him but he couldn’t move on without Dean. Life just seemed harder and more pointless without him. The coldness and numbness that had been in him since Dean’s death tore at Sam as he thought about him. Trying to push it down, Sam said goodbye to Ben and walked back to his apartment. Being accepted back to Stanford on his scholarship meant that Sam got discounted student housing near the campus. His apartment was small but that didn’t bother him, it was just him living there after all. He paid the rent and bought his necessities such as groceries and funded his hunts by tutoring other college students, editing and typing student’s reports, essays and projects and working part time at one of the college’s coffee shops as a server and cashier. Sam barely had any leisure time for himself between studying, working and hunting and that was the way he wanted it. That way he had less energy and less time to think about Dean’s death and how he was alone in the world now. 

 

As soon as Sam opened the door to his apartment he carelessly dropped his bag onto the couch next to the front door and headed to the bedroom intent on sleeping away the next 3 or 4 hours before heading over to Ben’s place just about 10 minutes away. When Sam had first moved in he had decided he wouldn’t make the same mistake he had made with Jess when she moved in with him. That was, in his crusade to be ‘normal’ he had neglected all the rules his dad had drilled into him and Dean since they were little about protecting their place of residence with protection signs and symbols and salt at all entries and exits. Sam did not neglect these rules now. He had gotten around the ‘not being normal thing’ by drawing powerful protection symbols onto tasteful cream colored paper and framing them in simple frames all around the apartment. Sam was pleased with the slightly exotic and arty outcome it created and simply told the friends who dropped by and given him quizzical glances after seeing the strange signs that he was slightly superstitious and had been told that these symbols warded off bad lack and evil (which was mostly true anyway). Placing salt at the door and near the windows were more difficult to do. In the end Sam placed a salt line at his door and simply threw a welcome mat over the top figuring it would still be effective in keeping evil out. With the windows Sam had no problems with his bedroom seeing as no one ever went into it but him, all the others, the kitchen, lounge and bathroom were more visible so Sam decided that to hell with it and just poured salt along the sill and would deal with any questions later. None had been asked so far and Sam was relieved, he had no idea what answer could be given that wouldn’t sound weird. Errr it keeps ants out? It keeps the sill clean of dust? It keeps the windows rust free? Sam laughed at the feeble answers he thought up. Dean would be able to come up with an answer that didn’t totally suck and which would no doubt sound plausible Sam thought sadly.

 

Sam fell into bed exhausted and sunk into a deep, dreamless sleep. The sound of his mobile ringing on the bed stand next to his head woke Sam up. When he opened his eyes he saw the bedroom was dark, night had fallen. Fumbling for the mobile Sam mumbled into the piece “hello?”.

 

“Hey man it’s Ben. Sorry did I wake you? I just thought you’d, like, ducked out of coming over like you said you would. Just wanted to check up on ya, if you were still coming cos everyone here’s asking for you and all.” he rambled.

 

Sam looked over at the glowing digital radio clock on the stand. The digits read 8:42, Sam bolted up in the bed. “Oh crap!” he swore, he had slept longer than he thought he would, he should have been over at Ben’s around 8. Ben chuckled into the phone when he realized Sam had overslept.

 

“That’s ok man, I knew you were tired. You still wanna come over though? Still plenty of pizza and even more of the booze left” he joked.

 

“Yeah, I’ll be there in about 20 I guess? Need to freshen up and all.” Sam said. He didn’t feel tired anymore and he didn’t especially want to bum around in his little apartment by himself at the moment. Sam rushed to get changed and headed to Ben’s apartment. Ben’s apartment was larger and snazzier than Sam’s and was located in a more ‘respectable’ part of town. Ben came from a rich family and his parents were footing the bill for Ben’s entire time at college, he had a nice car, nice apartment and a mostly easy ride. This did not make Ben unlikable at all, he had a great personality, did not rub his wealth into anyone’s face, was not snobby and genuinely did have the brains to complete his chosen course well. Sam was greeted at the door with a grin.

 

“Hey you made it!” Ben exclaimed happily pulling him inside. The rest of the ‘gang’ as Ben liked to call their ring of friends were piled in the lounge on the sofa and floor eating pizza and swilling beer while laughing at the lame special effects of the horror movie they were watching on the TV. Choruses of greetings reached Sam as they caught sight of him.

 

Danny, a slender guy with hair a dirty blonde colour and bright mischievous blue eyes whooped a greeting and pushed a beer into Sam‘s hand. “Hey man good to see ya.”. Danny was definitely the ‘party animal’ and ‘playboy’ of the group. Danny was a member of a rock band with 2 other mates from college and quite talented too. He was charismatic and drew people, male and female to him like a moth is drawn to a flame. Cocky and confident of himself he was a hit with the girls and he often liked to bask in their admiration. 

 

Margo picked up an open box of pizza and offered it to Sam. “Hey Sam, hungry? There’s plenty, Ben ordered enough to feed a small army.”, she joked. Sam smiled at her and accepted a piece realizing he hadn’t eaten in hours and was starving. Margo returned the smile. She was a petite girl, even more when she stood beside Sam’s height with unruly red hair, a cute button nose and a sprinkling of freckles across her nose and cheeks. From just looking at her she could be almost mistaken for a young teen and many people were surprised when they found out she was a formidable tae kwon do expert, could drink nearly everyone under the table and was an amazing poker player, not that that was made common knowledge.

 

Sam turned to greet Anna. He had met her through Ben and had discovered she was in one of his classes and from there had struck up a friendship often meeting her before their class and walking there together, or meeting up with her in the library to discuss their homework together. Sam swore the Asian girl was a genius. Anna had a petite heart shaped face, dark eyes and silky black hair reaching just above her shoulders which she often wore in pigtails giving her a childishly cute appearance. So it was a bit of a shock the first time Sam found out she could be terrifyingly temperamental at times and if something or someone pissed her off the best thing to do was run, and run fast in the opposite direction. Though Sam himself had never personally experienced her wrath firsthand he had heard the rumours. Ben thought she was simply ‘adorable’ and could only gaze at her adoringly whenever in her presence. It was whispered that Anna could hack into any computer she wanted in minutes but Sam had never had the nerve to ask her to confirm this though he suspected it was true. Anna grinned and offered to reprogram Sam’s laptop for him, making it faster and more efficient. “just bring it along to our next lecture ok? I‘ll have it done in no time and drop it off at your place when I‘m done” she said.

 

“Isn’t she amazing? Smart, kind, generous…gorgeous!” Ben stated devotedly, gazing at her after Sam had moved away to the kitchen where Ben and Billy were. Billy snickered and exchanged amused glances with Sam.

 

“Dude why don’t you just ask her out already, before some else snaps her up” Billy coaxed. Billy was from Australia and had only lived in the States for a few years, he still spoke with a slight accent and absolutely loved fooling naïve Americans about Australian culture. Why yes! The best way to get around Down Under is by kangaroo, you can’t go wrong there, no being held up in traffic, no need to pay high rates for fuel, environmentally friendly. He was tall and broad shouldered with blonde hair bleached near white from the sun., he was a devoted surfer and addicted to extreme sports, loved the sun and the sand and was the most comfortable in the outdoors rather than cooped in indoors. With Billy what you saw was what you got. He spoke what he thought and didn’t care about what other people thought about him. Sam admired that in Billy, wished he had felt that growing up with Dad and Dean, wished back then he hadn’t cared about being ‘different’ and ‘not normal’. 

 

“What if she says no?” Ben asked worriedly. “She’s way out of my league… I don’t want to ruin our friendship by admitting I like her. I’d rather have her as a friend then nothing at all”.

 

Sam nearly smiled. It was unusual to see the usually cool, suave Ben rattled about asking a girl out.

 

“Dude just ask her! Do you want to go on never asking her and getting a definite answer, whether a yes or a no? It’s called closure, if it’s a yes then everything’s good, if it’s a no, well then at least you know.” Billy argued. Ben still looked unconvinced but promised to think about it.

 

The three guys returned to the lounge and joined the others. They were watching a movie about vampires, laughing hilariously at the poorly done Transylvanian accents. Sam was amused by the portrayal of the killer vampires. It felt weird knowing that he had encountered real vampires before and they were nothing like those in the movie. Sam wondered what his new friends would say if he told them what real vampires were really like, that he had met many before, some dangerous and others not, that he had hunted them, that they couldn‘t transform into bats or fly, that they weren’t allergic to garlic and that they didn’t necessarily sleep in coffins or speak with weird accents. 

 

Sam had gotten comfortable on the couch, tucked into the pizza and drank a few beers. He felt pleasantly relaxed and at ease, he had almost forgotten what it felt like to be a carefree college student. The vampire movie finished and the group voted to watch the next B-budget video featuring some sort of swamp monsters and dodgy special effects. The opening credits had just finished when the doorbell rang. Ben jumped up from the couch and rushed to the door.

 

“Must be Reno! He said he‘d try to drop by later after his shift ended” he exclaimed happily. The sound of two masculine voices followed down the hallway to the lounge and Sam shifted to see Ben enter with Reno right behind him. Sam added his greeting to the others and shifted to make room for Reno on the couch. Margo, Billy and Danny were spread on the floor lying comfortably on bean bags thrown haphazardly around the room while Sam, Ben and Anna had been on the couch. Sam’s breath caught in his throat, in the dim light Reno vaguely resembled Dean. He was of similar height and build, had a similar hair and skin colouring and even dressed like Dean with worn jeans, plain t-shirt and leather jacket. At least he didn’t act, talk or walk like Dean otherwise Sam was sure he would lose the plot. He almost had when he had first met Reno.

 

....Flashback

 

“Hey, come on in”, Sam welcomed Margo into his apartment nervously. He had felt guilty that for every group project he’d been involved in he had insisted on meeting everyone either at the library, at a café or someone else’s place. So for this group, since he trusted Margo and Ben, had volunteered to host the first meeting at his place. Margo was smart, she also had sharp eyes and Sam didn’t believe for a second that she hadn’t seen his protective symbols placed all over the apartment and could see she was intrigued, well either that or weirded out, Sam couldn’t really decide.

 

“When’s Ben and Reno getting here?”, Margo asked.

 

“Ben called a few minutes ago, he went to give, um Reno isit? A lift from work and says they’ll be here in about 15 minutes or so”, Sam replied. The four of them were grouped up for an assignment for one of their core units, Sam had yet to meet Reno who was the fourth member of their group but had heard good things about him from Ben who had known Reno since he started at Stanford.

 

Margo and he passed the minutes chatting idly about college, the assignment and bitching about lecturers who were tough markers. Sam decided he should make some coffee to get everyone through the assignment. He had read through the requirements and instructions and it looked like it would be a long night. He had the coffee ready and was taking out coffee mugs from his kitchen cabinet when there was knocking at his door.

 

“That’s probably them now, you want me to get the door?”, Margo offered.

 

Sam nodded absentmindedly while he searched for a fourth mug, he didn’t have much of any kitchen cutlery and appliances since it was just him. Finding one at the back of the cabinet Sam turned around as Ben and his friend entered the kitchen. On spotting Reno Sam froze, for one split second he thought he saw Dean. The similarities was striking, Sam’s breath caught in his throat and he felt his face going pale, the mug slipped from his limp hand and smashed against the tiled kitchen floor. “Dean?” he whispered heartbroken. 

 

And then reality intruded. This guy wasn’t Dean, his Dean was gone and he wasn’t coming back, he couldn’t come back. Sam became aware his friends were looking at him worriedly. “oh crap” he muttered as he noticed the shattered remains of the coffee mug on the floor.

 

“Hey man you alrite? You don’t look so good, are you feeling ok?”, Ben asked concerned.

 

“I’m…I’m fine thanks. I gotta get this cleaned up” Sam answered shaken and made a move to pick up some of the pieces of the mug on the floor.

 

Margo broke in “no Sam it’s fine. You go sit down or something, I’ll handle this. I insist!”, avoiding Sam’s weak protests she shooed him away from the kitchen. Sam wondered into his tiny living room slash study room and lowered his lanky form into the sofa. Ben and Reno followed.

 

“Hey…what was that about?”, Ben persisted. Sam didn’t know what to say, he knew his friends were worried about him and weren’t going to let this go easily. Margo came back to the living room, carrying four mugs of coffee on a tray, she must have found another cup in the kitchen somewhere.

 

Reno spoke up for the first time since he had stepped in the apartment, “who’s Dean?”, he asked curiously.

 

“Dean…Dean’s my…brother”, Sam forced out. “I’m sorry Reno, you kinda look like him so I was a little freaked out when I saw you.”. 

 

“You have a brother Sam?”, Ben exclaimed. “In all the time I’ve known you you’ve never mentioned family once!”.

 

“Why were you so shocked to supposedly see your brother Sam? Wouldn‘t you have been more surprised then freaked out?”, Margo asked shrewdly.

 

Sam gulped. He didn’t want to discuss this. “I was…shocked because…because I don’t have any family”

 

“What?! But you just said…” Ben broke in

 

“I don’t have any family…not anymore. Dean‘s…Dean‘s dead”, Sam clarified.

 

The silence that enveloped the room was strangely deafening. Sam wished he hadn’t reacted the way he did when he saw Reno, then none of this would be happening.

 

“Oh god. I’m so sorry Sam” Margo said sympathetically.

 

Sam sighed and repeated himself, hearing the words properly “I don’t have any family, not anymore. Mom died when I was six months old. Dad died nearly 2 and a half years ago and Dean…Dean passed nearly 3 months ago.”.

 

“I’m sorry Sam. It must have been so tough for you.” Ben stated. “is, is that why you came back to Stanford?”.

 

Sam laughed a humorless laugh. “its strange, I left Stanford after Jessica’s death and now 3 years on I’m back after Dean’s death.”

 

“Jessica?” Reno asked softly, confused.

 

“My girlfriend. She died during a … unexplained fire in our apartment a few years ago”, Sam explained.

 

“So, you left? Where did you go afterwards?” Reno asked.

 

“Dean, I was with Dean. Dean and Dad were PI’s, sort of and I went and helped Dean out on a couple of cases for awhile. I couldn’t stay here after Jess’s death, it was too hard. Dad worked cases on his own and left cases for Dean and I to look into ourselves. He was working on a major case when he was killed by the suspect he was tracking. And Dean, one of the cases we were working went wrong and it got ugly. And now I’m back here.” Sam finished.

 

Ben swore softly. “Damn that’s horrible Sam.”.

 

Sam nodded, his gaze slipped to some framed photographs on the other side of the room.

 

Reno followed his gaze and he walked over a picked one up. The one Sam had been staring sadly at. “is this him?” he asked.

 

Reno was holding two frames connected together holding two different photos. On the left side was an old photo of Sam and Dean aged 4 and 8. Their dad had been hunting a viscious werewolf in Idaho and the photo was taken by one of the mechanics at the garage where their dad had gotten a casual job to rake in some cash to fund his hunt. They were sitting outside on a bench happily licking away at the ice creams John had bought them to keep them quiet while he worked. Sam had one hand securely tucked into the larger hand of his beloved older brother. Even when it seemed safe, Dean still took his big brother duties seriously. On the right hand side was the last photo Sam had of Dean. It was taken about a 4 months before his death. They had stopped in yet another out of nowhere, sparsely populated town in between hunts and Sam had persuaded Dean to take a photo with him, sweetly asking one of the townspeople to help take the shot. Sam and Dean stood closely side by side, arms hung loosely around each other, Sam sporting a wide, guileless grin and Dean sporting his trademark smirk known to stop a pretty girl or two in her tracks.

 

Sam tried to answer but his throat was tight. He nodded instead. Ben and Margo had wandered over to take a look as well. They agreed that Reno did seem to look like Dean at a certain angle.

 

....End flashback. Present time

 

Sam was glad he no longer felt pain whenever he looked at Reno. Sam counted him as a good friend but it had taken awhile to not think Dean whenever he saw Reno. His differences to Dean were such a contrast that Sam eventually stopped seeing Dean in Reno. Reno was quiet, he didn’t overtly advertise his good looks, he wasn’t impulsive or commanding like Dean was. Sam was glad, it made it easier to get to know him. Reno was on scholarship like Sam. He juggled a job as a bartender at a nightclub to pay for his other stuff. He was a foster kid and bounced from home to home until an childless couple had seen him, fallen in love with him and taken him in at age 10.

 

Sam refocused back to the cheaply made movie. Slimy monsters were crawling out the swamp making moaning sounds along the way. Everyone cracked up at the tackiness of it all. Sam felt glad he had decided to come tonight, he felt lucky he had made such good friends since he got here. The get together winded down late into the night and everyone said their goodbyes in front of Ben’s apartment before heading their separate ways. Margo drove home and Billy insisted on walking Anna home, she lived a bare 5 minutes from his own place, Danny and Reno had decided to crash at Ben‘s place so Sam headed home on his own. The brisk air helped Sam clear his head as he walked back, the weekend was coming up and Sam wondered what he could do to pass the time. Although he didn’t want it to, it was getting easier, more normal to get through each day without Dean. He had started to move on, Sam doubted he would ever be truly happy but he had to face the facts which said he had started to live again and go through each day on his own.


	4. Chapter 4

  
Author's notes: mentions of childhood abuse and non con situations.  


* * *

Julian vaguely remembered the ambulance ride to the hospital. Vaguely remembered a man bending over him, offering reassurances, the rocking of the vehicle, the bleep of machines in the vehicle. What he remembered most vividly was the image of the young man that had appeared out of nowhere in his head. Who are you? he silently questioned once again.

 

The next time Julian woke up he found he was in hospital. He could hardly move, his body felt so heavy and numb and he realized it would be the drugs that had been given to him to numb the pain. His head felt fuzzy too, thinking too much made his head ache, but he persisted. Something in his mind was pushing him to remember something, something important, but what? He remembered a doctor standing beside his bed, shining a light in his eyes, asking him questions that confused him. What’s your name? he had to think. Julian, he answered. Morrison he answered when he was prompted for a surname. However something in his mind protested against that, that’s not my name it said. Julian was confused, he didn’t understand while he thought one thing another part of his mind had a different answer. It was almost as if he had two people inside his head, him and someone else. While he drifted in his drug induced rest he heard snatches of conversations. “name is Julian. Morrison. Found in an alleyway badly beaten, broken ribs, bruised kidney, mild concussion, multiple bruises and scratches…evidence of sexual assault…looks like the kid is homeless, a street kid…Christ, so young”.

 

Slipping in and out of consciousness, the memories of what had happened tonight were still in his head, detailed, vivid, memories he wanted to have disappear forever. He was homeless, penniless and desperate, he hadn’t eaten in almost two days, his clothes were grubby and worn, no match against the cold of the night, the streets were dark and dangerous and despite the dire situation he was in, Julian’s mind rebelled against prostituting his body for cash, each time he did he felt dirty, ashamed and worthless. He remembered he had run away from the last foster home to escape a perverted ‘foster dad’ and yet as soon as he ran into trouble living on the street he had had no choice but to whore himself out to survive, maybe that was his sole purpose in life, to be a fucktoy. He didn’t think he could do it anymore, with each pervert a tiny piece of his mind and soul broke down, he withdrew further into his mind where he didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to, where he was safe, unharmed and free. Julian didn’t know where to turn, he was legally an adult now, he couldn’t go back to foster care, he hadn’t finished high school, he couldn’t get a paying job because he had no experience and no one trusted a kid who was a whore, he could hardly feed himself some days. Julian admitted he was afraid, he didn’t want to die on the street, in some alleyway among the trash and the gutters, he didn’t know what the future held for him but he didn’t think it was good. Julian remembered huddling from the wind in the alleyway, his stomach grumbled half heartedly as if realizing it wouldn’t be getting any food anytime soon, he remembered feeling incredibly lonely and confused, wondering how had his life ended up like this when he heard footsteps echoing in the alley. A bulky shadow paused in front of him, panicked Julian scooted away, head jerking round trying to figure out the best way to get away.

 

“There you are kid, I been lookin for ya. Wanna play with me?” the man said lewdly. Julian stifled a gasp of fear. He recognized the voice, one of his first ‘tricks’, he told Julian to refer to him as ’Jack’ even though Julian was sure it was a fake alias. ’Jack’ was one of the few regulars he had who Julian was truly terrified of. He was huge, like a bear and had the cruel streak to match, he had a sharp tongue capable of ripping any person into shreds with a few choice words and especially liked to knock him around each ‘session’ they had. He was one man no one wanted to meet in a dark alley. ‘Jack’ leaned down and yanked Julian upwards off the ground, one massive paw-like hand gripped painfully around Julian’s slender wrist. As Julian was yanked close to the bear of a man the strong smell of liquor reached his nose. Julian knew he was in trouble, a sober ‘Jack’ was difficult enough to deal with, a drunk one was positively terrifying and dangerous-the deadly type. Julian began to struggle, he had to get away.

 

Incensed, ‘Jack’ gripped him tighter. “little slut! Where do you think you’re going?”, spinning around he slammed Julian against the wall. Even drunk, his movements were accurate, his strength not hindered by the alcohol. Julian yelped as his face was smashed against brick. He wanted to retch when he felt ’Jack’ press himself against his pinned body. Renewing his struggle, Julian fought to get free, screaming for help even though he was sure no one would hear him or if anyone did Julian doubted they would want to risk their safety to investigate. ‘Jack’ was surprised when he felt the boy begin to struggle. He liked his ’toys’ to be submissive, broken, and that was what Julian was, he had never struggled before, this sudden change in his attitude enraged him. He was the superior, not the boy, he dared to refuse him?, the boy needed to be taught a lesson, to be beaten back into submission. The alcohol fueled with his need break the boy into weak submission and then he was throwing punches and kicks in moments. They landed on the slender boy with accuracy, ’Jack” savored the whimpers and moans of pain that followed. The boy was no match against Jack’s size and brute strength and was beaten bloody and lying on the filthy ground semi conscious in minutes. He barely had the strength to protest or fight back when he felt rough paw-like hands yanking his worn jeans away. As he lay in the shivering cold, pain coursing through his entire body Julian had prayed for death, an end to the pain, the memories. His mind was slowly blacking out, but something strange had occurred. He had heard unknown masculine voices near him, their conversation passed by him, he was barely conscious but he had heard some words and linked together they sounded strange, not real, talk about souls and passing over. And then he had felt warm hands on his chest, and then…feeling nothing at all. He thought he had imagined it.

 

Julian’s condition worsened before he began to recover in hospital. He had come down with a raging fever from an infected wound. He became delirious, slipping in and out of consciousness, tossing and turning in bed convinced he was in a furnace, everything felt so hot. Ramblings came with the fever, a lot didn’t make any sense to the nurses placed to take care of him. His very personality seemed to change too, as if he became a whole other person. Even his speech behavior sounded different. He talked about demons, spirits, shape shifters and vampires and he talked about a man called Sammy, who he begged to see. His ramblings on this mysterious person led the nurses to believe he was referring to a younger brother but they did not dwell on it. Julian Morrison was an abandoned baby, no records of his family existed. The nurses figured it was the fever talking and pushed his pleas for the man out of their mind, Julian’s ‘Sammy’ didn’t exist, he was just a figment of the injured man’s imagination as was his unbelievable tales of things that didn’t exist. The fever finally broke after 4 days and Julian could finally begin his road to recovery after the vicious attack. Physically, Julian healed with leaps and bounds, mentally and emotionally though, was another story. 

 

Every now and then he would suffer nightmares about the night he was raped and nearly killed, other times he dreamt in his sleep about things he knew couldn’t possibly exist. The same man appeared in his head nearly all the time, the strange thing was sometimes he came to his dreams as a boy, sometimes a teen and sometimes an adult, Julian couldn’t explain how he could know they were the same person, he just knew. Sometimes he saw an older man with them, grey haired, trimmed beard, tough looking, he didn’t feature in man of his dreams though . And then there was the other unexplainable things, sometimes he dreamt of scary creatures and monsters, even ghosts, Julian didn’t understand what this meant. In these strange dreams he killed these scary creatures, he remembered dreaming vividly of digging up graves, burning the corpse inside. Somehow he didn’t feel fear or even revolted at these scenes, in many of these unexplainable dreams the same man he always saw in his head was with him. This long legged, shaggy haired man fought the creatures with him, slept in the same bed as him, talked to him- seriously, happily, sadly, even angrily once, unfortunately Julian could never hear what was being said, each time all he saw was the young man‘s mouth move silently, face and eyes alive with expression . Julian wished he could hear what was being said, he felt it would help him understand what was happening with him.

 

The psychologist he was forced to see twice a week suggested his head was trying to deal with what had happened to him by symbolizing his attacker as a monster in his dreams rather than the actual person because in his opinion facing some sort of scary monster was much less traumatic than facing the face of his real attacker. She could not explain, however, the repetitive appearance of two men he had never seen in his life in his dreams. Julian wondered if he was going mad.

 

He knew he had suffered serious head injuries from the attack but they couldn’t have been so severe to have resulted in all the strange things happening to his mind. The unexplainable dreams of supernatural things, the vivid flashback-like memories of things he has never experienced, the image of that man that kept popping into his head. Hell even his personality seemed to be conflicting with itself. Julian wasn’t old enough to drink, he couldn’t even afford it if he wanted to try and yet he would swear he knew what a beer would taste like on his tongue. He had regained consciousness in the hospital and had realized days later that he had a strange looking pendant around his neck, when one of the nurses had commented on it and asked what the symbol represented Julian had been shocked when he began to answer that he had no idea and instead his mouth had spilled out the words that it was supposed to be a powerful symbol of protection against evil forces. He had never seen it before, why was it around his neck? He didn’t know why but something inside him refused to let him take it off. Other minor things conflicting with who he thought he was popped up over the next few days. He suddenly knew things he knew he didn’t know before. He had lived in the same state nearly all his life and yet his knowledge on geography had suddenly expanded. His taste in music changed, he was rather fond of the latest hits- pop, hip hop, R&B and yet a part of him cringed when he listened to the radio tuned on one of the more popular stations for teens and young adults, he craved something different, he suddenly loved bands like Metallica, Black Sabbath and Motorhead. One day he had had the radio on his hospital bedside table turned on and while he was searching for a radio station known for playing the latest hits he had stumbled on a station playing a Metallica number, he had been stunned when he found himself singing accurately along with the lyrics to a song he had never heard before. Julian thought maybe he was going crazy, maybe he had cracked under the emotional and physical pressure that was his life. After all it felt almost as if he was two different people in the same body. These strange feelings and changes didn’t stop there, for days he had had a strong tug in his body that demanded he get out of this place, this town as soon as he could, the tug demanded he head towards California. What the hell is in California he questioned himself. He didn’t know but his thoughts seemed to be consumed by the need to go there, something important was there and he had to get there soon.

 

For now he wouldn’t press the issue, he had more urgent matters to think about, Julian worried about what he would do once he was declared fit enough to leave the hospital. For nearly a month no one had harassed or tried to hurt him, he had had a roof over his head and even 3 square meals a day, something he hadn’t had for a long time. Once he was discharged he would have nowhere to stay and he had no money, Julian shuddered to think what would happen then and what he would most probably have to resort to, to survive.

 

His situation came up into conversation a few days later. “So Julian, have you, uh, thought about where you’re going to go after your release?” asked one of his doctors during the final check up before he was to be discharged the next day.

 

Julian tensed up. “Uhh not really. But I do know I wanna get to California”, he replied cautiously. 

 

“yes I heard from one of the nurses. Listen if you get there and need a job… well if you’re interested my nephew is a mechanic and owns his own garage in California, in Palo Alto I believe…he’s been looking for a couple of casual workers to take on. No prior experience required either. Apparently he’s desperate for a few extra sets of hands since one of his best mechanics moved away last month, now he’s overworked and short staffed. How bout I give you the address and you can go check it out yourself if you find yourself in the area?”

 

Julian’s face hardened. “I don’t want your pity or your charity Doc. I’ll figure something out myself.” 

 

“It’s not charity Julian. I know you don’t really have anywhere to go. I would just like to help you that’s all. I know you’re a good kid. And I know you’re capable for this job. I wouldn’t send someone I don’t trust or think is capable to my nephew to deal with, what kind of uncle would that make me? Besides my nephew would also benefit out of this deal too, it’s a win-win situation in m mind.”, he huffed, slightly offended. He was just trying to help after all, he didn’t want this kid back on the street, Julian was around the same age as his youngest son. Imagining his son in the life Julian had lead and the situations he had been in sent a shudder of fear inside him, no kid should have to go through the childhood Julian had. 

 

 

…2 weeks later

 

I cant believe I’m doing this, Julian thought. He was standing outside the automobile repair shop that belonged to Dr. Kallahan’s nephew, worn gym bag holding all his worldly possessions at his feet. The garage looked professional yet not overpriced, not intimidating, run down or unreliable. He had managed to get a job as a janitor in a shopping centre and the earnings from that had let Julian buy some clothes and necessities and room at the cheapest motel he could find as well as a one way bus ticket to Palo Alto, California. Standing across the street Julian’s uncertainty inflated, his fists clenched and the one holding the slip of paper which had the address the doc had written on it was crumpled. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea, I mean I’ve got absolutely zero experience, why would they wanna take me of all people on? The internal dialogue continued in his head. Okay so what if I do make it past the door? What happens once they found out I lived on the street? Panhandled on street corners for spare change? Sold myself to survive? I would be shown the door so fast…

 

“Oi! You ok kid?”, his internal struggle was interrupted when a gravelly masculine voice called out from the entrance of the garage. Julian focused his gaze to see a stocky built man of around 50 years of age, hazel eyes narrowed under bushy grey eyebrows staring at him slightly suspiciously. He wore old looking overalls streaked with black grease, he had a take out bag in one hand. Julian realized he must have just got back from ordering lunch. 

 

Words stumbled out of Julian’s mouth awkwardly partly in nervousness, uncertainty and the sensation of being stared down by the older man. “Uhh, umm, well I… umm Doc said…err well you see…” , he trailed off lamely, he had no idea what to say.

 

Ok calm down dude! He told himself. Think before you say something even more stupid, he scolded himself, that guy probably thinks you escaped from the nearest assylum or the psychiatric ward or something. “Umm I’m sorry, what I meant to say is I heard from someone that the owner was looking for some casual workers to take on. I just wanted to come and check it out.”

 

The older man relaxed. “Right sure, well what were you doing just standing on the other side of the road for so long? People are gonna think funny thoughts from that. Come on inside boy. I’ll track the boss down.”

 

After a tiny moment of hesitation Julian followed. He did need this job, he had no other choices, he didn’t want to go back to where he was before. Following behind the man, Julian scanned the surroundings. A rush of familiarity flooded him, not the actual garage but the familiarity of the atmosphere, the tools lined up neatly on the wall, the smell of car oil,a variety of cars in varying conditions lined up in the garage, bonnets popped up, he felt as if he had been in a garage environment just like this before on numerous occasions and was quite familiar with it. How is that possible? He thought, no its just some weird vibe is all, its nothing. 

 

“Des! Look what I found hovering outside.” he said teasingly as he clapped a younger man on the shoulder, capturing his attention from the car he appeared to be inspecting. Julian deduced this was the Doc’s nephew and owner of the garage. He was a big guy, maybe in his early 30’s with light brown hair, observant looking green eyes and a big nose that appeared to have been broken and badly set some time in his past. 

 

He smiled a wide smile. “Ohh? Lenny I send you out to get us some lunch and you come back with a kid? Typical. Maybe its time to think about retirement buddy” he replied, giving Lenny a mock glare.

 

Lenny roared with laughter. “ Yeah retirement sounds good. I’d like to see how you’d manage without me.” he countered. “Anyway this kid heard you wanted some part timers to take on. He’s interested.”

 

Des’s face brightened. “Yeah that’s true. What’s your name kid? And how’d you find out bout this?” he questioned.

 

“It’s Julian. Your uncle told me about it, gave me the address when he heard i was coming down here.”

 

“You mean ole Uncle Richard? How is he? I haven’t caught up with him recently, me being so run down by work and all and him being a busy doc at the hospital. How’d you two meet?” he asked curiously.

 

“Oh yeah he’s fine I guess, keeps complaining he doesn’t have so much leisure time to play golf with his mates lately. As to how we met, well, I was his patient” he admitted reluctantly. Des would be able to confirm who he was by calling his uncle so there was no point lying.

 

The two men stared at him nonplussed, Julian could see they were both dying to ask him what he was being treated for but restrained themselves.

 

“No kidding”, Des said. “Was it, umm, serious?” he asked.

 

Julian wondered how to answer, he didn’t want to say anything to jeapordise the opportunity. he decided to stick to the main truth.

 

"I guess. I got attacked by some drunk looking for trouble awhile back. Pretty much fully healed by now", best to keep the explanation simple, Julian thought.

 

Des eyed the kid's slender frame, physical strength was needed for a job as a mechanic and this kid looked like he hadn't eaten well in a while but if his uncle thought this kid had a chance then he would give him a trial at the garage and see if he met the expectations.

 

"Ok kid I'm pretty short staffed right now so I need all the extra help I can get. How does a 6 week trial sound? And after that if all goes well I might have a part time or full time position to offer you. Am I right in assuming you have zero experience in tinkering under the hood?"

 

"that sounds...good. You're right i have no experience but I'm defintiely willing to learn" Julian answered, trying but failing to keep the eagerness out of his voice. He couldn't believe it, he had the job, his future was looking better and better.

 

The next few weeks were... if he were to be honest, some of the best or at least memorable of his life. Working at the garage at the beginning had been strange, he learnt all the basics easily to Des' and Lenny's surprise, as if he were returning to a trade he knew well after a long break.

 

"Boy, you sure you never gone under the hood of a car before? I ain't ever seen anyone pick up those skills so fast in my life...and I've lived awhile" Lenny asked astonished.

 

Julian shrugged. "I'm sure" he answered. However inside his head he wasn't so sure. There it was again, that weird memory/two minds in one body thing was happening. Working under the hood of a car that needed fixing or finetuning felt so familiar, so natural.

 

Des seemed pleased with his work, Julian may not look as if he were strong enough to change a flat wheel with his slender frame and quiet personality but he had turned out to be able to do that and more professionally and skillfully. He had struck gold hiring this mysterious, quiet kid, Des mentally reminded himself to call and thank his uncle later. Not only was Julian a good employee, he was great company too, if a little reserved and stand-offish. Upon finding out Julian had nowhere to stay Lenny had jumped to offer him a room in his tiny 2 bedroom house that he shared with his wife of 30 years. Julian had been automatically suspicious but when he had found out it would be him, Lenny and his wife Shelley he had accepted. The deal worked well, Shelley mothered him endlessly despite Julian being beyond a child. She had never gotten over all her 3 kids leaving the nest so soon and still had plenty of mothering urges to fulfill.

 

The 6 weeks flew by and Julian proved to be very capable, and so, before the 6 weeks were even officially up Des had offered a steady position to Julian. He accepted gratefully. He was determined to change his life around, leave the past behind him and move forward instead. As soon as he had regular hours at the garage he would have time to find out what had urged him to come to California in the fisrt place and the meaning of the weird dreams/flashes and memories he kept experiencing. Maybe even the identity of that shaggy haired, puppy eyed man he kept seeing in his mind. 

 

....2 months later

 

The shrill ringing of the telephone in Des' small office at the back of the garage interrupted the low volume of the radio being played while Des, Lenny and Julian crowded around the open hood of the car they were tuning. Des grunted in displeasure but straightened, wiped his hands clean of car oil and lumbered towards his office. While Julian and Lenny continued inspecting the engine, Des answered the phone, his deep voice carrying throught the air so Julian could easily hear Des' side of the conversation.

 

"Yeah, Des' mechanic garge."

 

"You want to bring in your car for a tune up? Sure, when can you bring it over? The best times are tomorrow morning at 10, or 3.30 in the afternoon. Or if you're in no hurry then this weekend at...oh, yeah sure tomorrow at 10am it is."

 

"Alright I need a name and contact details please, since you're a new customer right? Ok, S. Winchester was it? Good. Bye."

 

Des came back to the car.

 

"New customer tomorrow?" Lenny asked casually.

 

"Yep" Des answered."College boy, from Stanford he said. Wants to bring in his car for a check up, the last garage he was with were shite according to him. Got our number off a friend." 

 

"You mind coming in a little earlier Jay?", Des asked Julian.

 

"Sure boss" Julian answered, still distracted under the hood.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam rushed madly around his tiny apartment. A quick glance confirmed that it was 10 to 10 in the morning. “Shit, shit, shit!” he swore frustrated. He had been up into the early hours of the morning cramming for a difficult test for later that day and had slept through the beeping of his alarm clock and now he was going to be late bringing Dean’s ‘baby’ to the garage. He’d taken the shortest shower in history, trying to shampoo his hair and brush his teeth at the same time and only succeeded making a mess of everything. Soap suds still stuck to the outer corners of the cubicle and he had somehow squeezed toothpaste all over the floor. Now he was rushing round madly searching for his keys, wallet, mobile and books for classes later that day AND he hadn’t even had breakfast yet.

 

“Oh God. Caffeine, I need caffeine!”, he whined to himself finally gathering everything and leaving the apartment.

 

“The things I do for you!” he exclaimed to the Impala, “Dean would be happy I think…then again if he could see this he’d probably bust a gut laughing” he mused glancing at his reflection in the rear view mirror of the car. His wet hair clung to his scalp and there were still some soap foam clinging to his hair, glancing down at himself he noticed his shirt was buttoned wrong and he seemed to be wearing mismatching socks.

 

“Great, just great. The perfect start to the day. God I‘m talking to myself. Look at me, look at what I‘ve been reduced to!”, Sam continued before noticing movement from the corner of his eye. Sam turned to see the lady in car in the next lane next to him staring at him strangely. He blushed slightly when he realized both his and her windows of their cars had been opened and she had been watching and listening to him talking to himself the entire time. He sent her what he hoped was a reassuring smile before staring straight ahead and praying for the red traffic light to change green.

 

….meanwhile….

 

The annoying beep of the alarm clock pulled Julian from a deep sleep. Groaning he rolled over onto his side and sticking out an arm searched for the clock and turned off the alarm. He sat up on the bed as remnants of yet another bizarre dream became clearer in his mind. That man was in it again, and he felt as if he were in it too, although it didn’t feel as if he were in his own body. He got the impression that he was in someone else’s body and he was looking through that person’s eyes, watching what he experienced, that he was that person which was impossible. In this particular dream he saw that he and the man were in a hotel room. The tall man with the mop of brown messy hair was being held down by a monster in a what appeared to be a ragged, black, hooded robe. The monster was leaning down, its mouth wide open and Julian would have sworn it was sucking energy out of the man below it. And then he saw himself (only it wasn’t him exactly) get up off the ground where he had been laying and pull something, a gun? And turn it on the monster. He was vaguely aware of movement from the other side of the room, when he turned his head slightly he saw a boy hiding under the bed, he looked scared, he focused back on the man, he was gasping for breath as the monster collapsed on the ground and seemed to dissolve. “You okay, little-”, and that was when he woke up. Julian had the feeling he, or rather the person he had been in the dream was about to say something revealing, something important that would help add another piece to the puzzle. 

 

“Damn”, he muttered. Glancing back at the clock he realized he should get moving to get to work on time. Today he normally wouldn’t have to go in till later but Des wanted him there because he was expecting a new customer and his vehicle might need some extra work meaning Des would need an extra set of hands.

 

When Julian wondered into the kitchen Lenny and Shelley were already seated at the table, breakfast ready. Julian still had trouble believing his luck, getting an actual job with a great boss was astonishing enough but also a place to stay and the closest thing he had ever had to a mother in Shelley was unbelievable. Breakfast was hurried as everyone had gotten to a late start. Hurrying to Lenny’s pickup Julian asked slyly, “Can I drive today Len?”. When Lenny had discovered Julian didn’t have a licence he had taken it as his personal responsibility to teach him, it was a flying success and Julian had been able to get his licence quickly. He had even commented that Julian had taken to it like a duck to water and boasted that it was because he was such a great tutor. Julian wasn’t so sure, yes Lenny was a good instructor but for some unexplainable reason, when he had put the key in the ignition and started the engine he had felt almost as if he were home, as if driving were as simple and automatic as breathing, sleeping or eating.

 

They made to work just in plenty of time. Shrugging on their work overalls they spent the time sorting and cleaning tools and making sure everything was in order. The only appointment today was that new customer Des had heard from, it looked like it would be a slow day other than that. Julian began to fidget as 10am came and went, and then 10:15 and then 10:30.

 

“I don’t think that kid is coming. Maybe it was some kind of prank joke…kids these days.” Lenny grunted.

 

Des sighed, rechecked his watch, “yeah. Maybe. I dunno, I got the impression this guy was for real. Ok forget that, why don’t you and Jay get to work on Mr’s Jefferson’s car over there. She’ll be here at 3 to pick it up. ”

 

….outside the garage….

 

By the time Sam pulled up to the garage that had been recommended by Reno it was 10:33. He hoped the owner, Des was it?, wouldn’t be pissed he was this late. He hurriedly fixed his shirt and ran a hand through his mostly dry hair. 

 

“Damn it!”, using his hand as a hair comb only made the slightly damp hair stick up all over the place. He leaned over the seat and opened the storage space in front of the passage seat. Maybe he or Dean had left a comb in there. What he found instead made his blood run cold. “Oh shit.”.

 

Between cramming for that test, sleeping in and rushing around Sam had forgotten about all the stuff he had stored in the Impala, and had forgotten to clean it out before bringing it to the mechanics. In his hands he held a fake FBI badge, a fake Doctor’s medical pass and several other fake ID’s and credit cards. They were the least of his problems.

 

“Oh my God, the trunk!”, Filled with guns, daggers, swords, blades, fire torches, the list went on. 

 

“Okay not good. This is bad Sam. Calm down. Oh god I’m doing it again, talking to myself!”. His mind raced, okay what he would do was to chuck anything suspicious in the trunk and keep it locked. He would then stay at the garage while the mechanics worked on the Impala and keep an eye on them rather than go find a café and study as he had originally planned.

 

Slightly calmer, Sam stepped out and quickly locked everything in the trunk before nervously making his way into the garage to check if the owner would still take the Impala.

 

Julian glanced up idly as a deep voice rang out in the garage. “Hello?”

 

Julian gasped as he spotted the man in the doorway. He knew that person! It was the man from his dreams. He looked to be about 6”4, he was long legged and broad shouldered in worn dark jeans and a plain light blue baggy t-shirt, his shaggy hair was all over the place and nearly covered soulful looking eyes. He couldn’t believe the proof that his dreams were not just overactive imagination or meaningless dreams was standing right there, solid and real. 

 

“Whoa there! Watch it Jay!”, Lenny roared as he jumped away from Julian. Julian blushed when he realized he had dropped the heavy spanner he had been holding, barely missing Lenny’s foot.

 

“Oh shit! Sorry Len!” he babbled embarrassed.

 

Des snorted with laughter before turning around to meet the stranger. “Can I help you there mate?”

 

“I’m so sorry I’m late sir. I called yesterday about bringing my car in at 10? I‘m aware its past 10:30 now but I got extremely held up this morning. Can you please still take a look at my car? ”, the stranger asked eagerly turning soft, friendly eyes on Des.

 

“Ohh you’re S. Winchester?” Des asked. “Yeah I suppose it’s fine. We don’t have much else to do right now.” 

 

S. Winchester smiled a smile that lit up his face. Julian felt his breath hitch and his heart pump faster seeing it. It looked so familiar! He knew that smile! A tingle of attraction ran through him, as did a rush of yearning, protectiveness, joy and love? 

 

“It’s Sam, and you must be Des?” he introduced himself shaking Des’ hand. Des nodded and introduced Lenny and Julian. Julian felt a faint blush rise as his hand was clasped by Sam’s larger one, as soon as they made contact Julian felt a tingle go through him. Before looking Julian KNEW that Sam would have a faint scar running down his right cheek, he took a deep breath and raised his face and there it was a faint scar on Sam’s right cheek. What did this all mean? Julian wondered, were his dreams actually premonitions? No that cant be right, all my dreams are of the past, I just know it, but how can it be possible? I don’t understand! 

 

Julian realized his thoughts had run away with him and he was still holding onto Sam’s hand, the older man had a strange expression on his face as if he were thinking or remembering something painful.

 

“Oh! Sorry” Julian muttered embarrassed, quickly letting go of his hand and stepping back.

 

Sam smiled tightly “Not a problem” he quickly dismissed. “I’m sorry, this might sound a bit weird but …have we met before? You seem…familiar” he asked.

 

“Uhh no I don’t think we’ve met before. I new around here, but yeah I get that feeling too” Julian confessed, hoping the older man wouldn’t think he was deranged.

 

All Sam did was nod in understanding. “Okay then how bout I bring the car in? Oh is it alrite if I stay here while you check over her? I know that sounds a bit weird but she’s real …important to me.”

 

Des looked a bit taken back but agreed anyway, it didn’t seem to be a big deal if a customer wanted to hang around for hours while they looked over his car. He only hoped this Sam Winchester wasn’t one of those people who thought they knew what was best for their car and try to interfere in the tune up process.

 

Sam’s car turned out to be a classic 67 Impala in sleek black. Lenny let out a low whistle of appreciation when he saw it. Des was practically salivating as he thought about getting his hands on the car. Julian felt as if he were punched in the stomach. Something inside him tugged at him when he set eyes on the sleek car. A sense of pride, possession, familiarity and fondness? What on earth were these feelings? The car wasn’t even his!

 

“That is one gorgeous car you have there Sammy boy” Lenny rumbled.

 

Sam grinned, “It’s Sam sir, and yes she is gorgeous”.

 

“Right then, lets get to work”, Des announced, anticipation evident in his voice.

 

“Errr sorry, but is it possible… I mean, that is…you guys don’t need to go through my trunk or anything right? Cos I’d rather you didn’t” Sam awkwardly got out.

 

Des and Lenny glanced at each other suspiciously. “I suppsose not” Des answered reluctantly. Was this boy hiding something dangerous, illegal?

 

“Hey don’t worry I don’t have a body, or drugs in there.” Sam rushed to explain.

 

Des stared at him for a moment trying to decide whether the boy was telling the truth, he didn’t want any trouble brought to his business. Finally he decided to give the boy a chance, he didn’t look like a trouble maker.

 

“Ok then lets get to work, Sam you can go sit over there if you like, there’s a chair and table over there.”, Des gestured to the tiny 4 seat table he had placed in the corner of the garage.

 

“Hey that’s great, I have to cram for a test I have today.”, Sam smiled, settling himself into a chair and taking out his books.

 

Lenny raised a bushy brow, “You want to study in here? Boy, you’re not going to be able to study in a mechanics garage of all places, we’re gonna be making a lot of noise. You sure you don’t want to go out, find somewhere more peaceful to study?”

 

Sam laughed, “Don’t worry, I could study through an earthquake if I had too. My dad used to move us around a lot for his…work…I’m used to studying in less than ideal conditions. You guys go ahead, make all the noise you want.”

 

“Don’t say we didn’t warn you then!” Des joked, head already under the hood of the Impala. 

 

The next few hours passed as the three mechanics worked on the Impala and Sam tried to absorb himself into studying. Instead he found himself sneaking quick glances at the kid, Julian. There was something about him that drew Sam’s attention. When he had first seen him he was struck by a sense of familiarity and desire, when he had clasped his hand he could have sworn he felt a tingle of electricity flow between their connected hands, something he had only experienced with Dean. This is wrong, Sam thought. How can I be attracted to someone so soon after Dean’s death? And a kid at that! He cast an analyzing look at Julian, trying to determine what it was exactly, that attracted Sam to him. He didn’t look to be older than 18 or 19. He looked to be about 5”9 in height and had a slender frame, with a mess of black curls, pale skin and deep blue eyes. Classic Black Irish features. Sam could almost forgive himself for being attracted to him, he was definitely one gorgeous guy. Sam wanted these feelings to go away, they weren’t right and it felt like a betrayal to Dean. Dean had been his soul mate, his true partner in life and now that he was gone it wasn’t right to just forget him and move on, to find someone else to love. Dean had been the true love of his life and no one would ever be able to take that place, never again. Right! Sam thought, focus! He turned back to his books, inner dialogue with himself continuing, this attraction is just a temporary thing, just don’t think about it and it‘ll go away eventually, besides it’s not as if it could work out anyway.

 

Sam sighed. He was exhausted, staying up late cramming, being late bringing in the Impala, meeting Julian and experiencing the starnge feelings that came from that. It felt like too much for one day. His stomach growled reminding Sam that he had rushed out of his apartment without grabbing anything to eat.

 

“Hey guys I’m just going to go out and grab something to eat. I just realized I haven’t eaten anything since last night.” Sam called out to the mechanics crowded around his Impala.

 

“Yeah sure Sam.”, Des answered. “ Hey Jay why don’t you go with him, get us some lunch too ok?”.


	6. Chapter 6

“ Hey Jay why don’t you go with him, get us some lunch too ok?”.

 

Julian’s head shot up. Des wanted him to follow Sam out for lunch? His heart began to beat a little bit faster, he couldn’t do this, he didn’t think he could act normally in front of Sam. Heck he couldn’t even look him in the eye without feeling a flood of desire and longing and something else, something that felt so strong and so powerful he was afraid to analyse exactly what it was, it was too soon. Julian was certain if he spent some time alone with Sam those feelings would be showing clearly in his face and that Sam would see and freak out, and he definitely didn’t want that to happen.

 

“ Uh what?” he said, trying to stall.

 

Des rolled his eyes, shook his head and replied slowly, as if he were talking to a child, “ Lunch, Julian. You know, that meal between breakfast and dinner? Why don’t you take Sam here to that nice deli we get our sandwiches from?”.

 

Julian sighed and threw his hands up in front of him in a gesture of surrender. “Ok, ok! I’m going! You don’t have to roll your eyes at me like that! You two want the usual?”

 

After confirming what each man wanted and Des gaily informed them there was no need to return so soon, Julian discreetly took a deep breath before turning to Sam, made eye contact (nearly getting a crick in his neck for having to lift his head up to do it- whoa this guy is seriously tall!), and trying not to drown in those puppy dog eyes, calmly asked him if he was ready to go.

 

Sam smiled brightly, “Sure am.”

 

Julian’s breath hitched. That smile! And it was directed just for him! Julian swore his insides melted and a warmth began to spread and tingle inside him. This is gonna be a long lunch break, Julian thought still in a semi daze after being a recipient to Sam’s smile. If this kept happening and Sam kept smiling at him like that Julian was sure he was going to end up a melted puddle on the floor.

 

“Umm well, let’s go then.” he stumbled, leading the way outside and heading towards the deli about 4 blocks away hoping Sam hadn’t seen how his smile affected him, he‘d probably freak. He probably doesn’t go for guys, Julian reasoned in an effort to stop all those new feelings he felt the moment he saw Sam. You don’t go for guys either! He told himself. He didn’t really want to think about his sordid past but if he wanted to analyse what he felt towards Sam then he needed to figure if it was because he had only been with guys (albeit unwillingly) up until now and was just sticking to what he knew best or if he genuinely felt attracted to Sam. Julian risked a peek at Sam strolling slowly next to him in order to stay at the same pace, if he had been walking any faster, Julian would have had to practically skip to keep up. Well he didn’t look like he was aware of the effect he had on him, Julian sighed quietly in relief.

 

Sam broke the silence. “So Julian, you been working at the garage long?” he asked politely. 

 

“Not long actually. About 3 and a half months now I think.”

 

Sam nodded. “So you like it there then?”

 

Julian didn’t hesitate in replying. “Yeah! Its like the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. I was lucky getting the job. I don’t wanna think about where I‘d be right now if I didn’t.”

 

Julian felt Sam glance at him curiously as he said that and decided to confide in him, Sam looked like a trustworthy guy, he wouldn’t go around blabbing secrets and Julian felt as if he needed to get some stuff out of his system before he exploded with all the secrets he kept hidden deep inside him. Of course there were secrets he would probably never tell anyone. 

 

“When I got here I had one gym bag holding all the stuff I own in the world and $20 in my pocket. I had nowhere to stay, I didn’t know anyone here and I didn’t know what made me come here to California. Meeting Len and Des changed my life, I’ve got a job, a place to stay and people who treat me almost like family. Six months ago you would probably have found me panhandling on the street.” Or worse, Julian thought grimly, but he wasn’t about to tell Sam or anyone else that. Soliciting men on the street to survive was his dirty little secret and he never wanted Sam to find out, he didn’t want him to ever look at him with disgust or horror.

 

Sam had a surprised expression on his face. “Wow. That’s a lot to cope with. I‘m glad your life has taken a turn for the better Julian”

 

Julian smiled “Yeah me too.” he agreed.

 

They reached the deli. “Well here we are.” Julian announced. They both entered the shop and lined up behind the small queue after deciding what they wanted. Julian ordered for himself and for the two mechanics back at the garage.

 

“Hey Sam? Wanna sit outside? Its so nice and sunny and all.” Julian asked tentatively, hoping he didn’t sound as nervous as he felt. He really wanted to spend some time with Sam and get to know him better. Ever since he had woken to find himself in hospital all those months ago, he had had strange dreams and flashes, many of them involving Sam. When Sam had come to the garage this morning his heart had seemed to leap with joy and although he knew virtually nothing about him, he had felt as if he had known Sam forever, it sure sounded corny but this was exactly how Julian felt. This was his chance to find answers, pieces to fit the puzzle, he couldn’t let this opportunity slip through his hands. Those dreams weren’t random or meaningless, they meant something, meeting Sam proved it.

 

Sam nodded slowly, “Sure.”

 

They found a table to sit down and the next few minutes were spent in awkward silence as they unwrapped their sandwiches and began to eat. Julian snuck quick glances at Sam when he thought he wasn’t looking. He wanted to initiate a conversation, find out more about Sam, who he was, where he was from, anything that might help Julian figure out those weird flashes and dreams he had kept getting since he came to in the hospital. However his mind was blank, what was there to talk about? Julian didn’t want to expand more on his past and Sam didn’t seem particularly forthcoming about personal details about himself. Julian was pretty sure his social skills and ability to make small talk left much to be desired. 

 

“So, uhhh… any interesting plans for this weekend?”, he finally blurted out.

 

The conversation flowed from there. Julian found it easy to talk to Sam, even easier than talking to Des or Len. Sam seemed like a friendly, trustworthy guy, if a little reserved at times. Julian desperately wanted to confide in Sam about the familiarity he felt with him, the flashes and dreams he had, the inner voice that had been in his head since he regained consciousness after the attack, the voice he was sure that wasn’t his. The one that liked listening to rock music from the 80‘s, often craved a cold bottle of beer after a tough days work, who could tinker under the hood of a car like a pro and knew all about mythical folklore and legends about evil supernatural creatures, even how to kill them. Julian had done some research online about this and everything seemed to check out, he didn’t understand how he knew all this stuff before he looked it up on the net, he didn’t really want to think about spooky stuff like this. Julian’s instincts were telling him Sam was a the key to this mystery, he could have the answers. 

 

Unfortunately Julian knew that spilling out all these thoughts to a guy he had just met that day would not be the best approach, even if he thought he could help him. Now wasn’t the right time, he needed to get Sam to trust him first otherwise he just might be taken away by the men in white for babbling complete nonsense, especially if he was wrong about Sam being the last piece of the puzzle. Julian’s mind raced to think of a way to keep in contact with Sam, after his car was fully tuned that day Sam could be gone for good. Or maybe not? Maybe Sam would come take his car back to the garage for regular check ups and tunings. He could see that the car meant a great deal to Sam, he seemed like someone who would keep it regularly tuned. And Sam was a student at Stanford which was nearby the garage which must mean he lived close by as well. He didn’t think Sam would take his car to a garage that wasn’t close by no matter how much he valued his car. Julian decided if he had no other option then he could always track Sam down at Stanford. 

 

When Julian glanced at his wristwatch he saw nearly an hour had passed since they had left the garage. 

 

“We’d better get going I guess.” he muttered. “Des and Len are probably done by now and just sitting around waiting for their lunch”.

 

Sam stood up, “You think they’re finished? Cool.” he answered as they set off towards the garage.

 

The second they stepped into the garage Julian was pounced on by Des and Lenny, ravenous for their food. 

 

“So is everything sorted?” Julian asked indicating Sam’s Impala.

 

Des nodded. “ All set to go Sammy- boy” he announced after swallowing his mouthful of sandwich. “ Jay can you handle everything else?” he asked.

 

Julian nodded and led Sam away to Des’ office to sort out the payment fee before Sam ran a critical gaze over the condition of his car and nodded in satisfaction.

 

“So, umm, do you think you’ll be back for regular tune-ups and all?” Julian asked and mentally winced when he heard the eagerness clearly in his voice, Sam gave him a strange look and Julian felt his cheeks go red. You dunce! He scolded himself, you gotta pull yourself together, he’d probably think you were a deranged, infatuated, naïve kid if he ever figured out the effect he has on you. 

 

Sam smiled and shrugged, “ We’ll see I guess.”

 

Julian nodded. Please let him be back, he prayed as he watched Sam wave and drive off.

 

 

That night Julian had another nightmare/memory flash dream and woke up shaking and terrified. He dream was weird, he remembered he was in a house and heat was radiating off the walls, a man burst out of a closed room carrying a small bundle in his arms, inside the room Julian could see flames licking at the furniture inside. He felt a wave of sickening terror spread inside him as he stared into the room, he knew something was terribly wrong. The man holding the bundle rushed towards him and pushed the bundle into his arms. As he looked down at the bundle it began to squirm and Julian realized it was a baby wrapped in a soft blanket, as he peered at it he realized something was different. He noticed his arms, they were the arms of a small child, Julian realized he was dreaming about being a child. The man was speaking to him urgently but he couldn’t hear the words, the man gave a firm push against his shoulders towards a staircase and Julian felt his feet begin to move towards it, struggling to hold onto the tiny squirming bundle in his arms. The dream changed and he was suddenly outside clinging the baby tightly in his hold, watching one of the rooms being swallowed by flames. He sensed a presence behind him and when he turned around he saw the man from inside the house, Daddy, he thought. As they watched the firemen battle the blaze, Julian knew with absolute certainty that tonight he had lost someone special tonight, someone important, and that his life was going to change forever.

 

Julian’s emotions were all over the place as he reflected back on his dream. This time he couldn’t brush it off as a random dream, the details were to vivid, too detailed to be fake. Unable to get to sleep he decided to get up early even though it was his day off. Reaching into his bedside drawer he retrieved a plain spiral notebook. Julian had been recording his dreams and flashes in the book after he realized they were of some significance and could no longer deny they were a creation of his mind to escape the traumatic memories of his attack. He jotted down everything he could remember about the dream, even the emotions he felt. He felt a bit silly for doing something he had always considered girly but it seemed to help and if he were serious about getting to the bottom of this mystery then it would be a good idea to keep track of things. 

 

Feeling restless after that he decided to leave the house and hit the mall. He had a few things he had been meaning to get. Julian shook his head in disbelief as he reflected that a few months ago he would have most likely been starving for any kind of meal and trying to fend off the cold at night while today he had a decent place to stay and cash in his pocket, enough to pay for little luxuries like junk food, clothes and a mobile phone. It might not sound like it , but Julian believed he had come a long way. After he grew tired of wondering aimlessly around the mall he decided to head home.

 

The next day he arrived at work yawning heavily. He hadn’t slept well that night, half afraid he would have another disturbing dream as well as because his mind had been turning trying to figure everything out. 

 

“Hey Jay.”, Des greeted warmly, a satisfied smile on his face. “That Sam Winchester guy called earlier. Said he was pleased with the check up, says he’d like to come back to us for the next check up.”

 

Julian smiled. “ Looks like we’ve caught ourselves another regular.”. Thank god he’s coming back, he thought. Unfortunately outside of unexpected accidents with his car, Sam wasn’t likely to be back for quite a while. Julian wondered just when was he going to see Sam again.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam shook his head as he abruptly realized he had been thinking about a certain mechanic he had met a few days ago for the hundredth time that day. Julian had been in his thoughts almost constantly since he had left the garage, and Sam couldn’t help but feel as if he were betraying Dean’s memory. There was just something about the young mechanic that drew Sam towards him. Yes he was extremely good looking but that didn’t account for the mix of strong emotions Sam experienced when he had spent time with him. The attraction, the aching familiarity, the need, all similar to what he had often felt with Dean. Sam didn’t want to feel these things, all the people he had ever loved had died and left him. First his mother, then Jess. He had loved Jess and when she had died Dean had slowly pulled him from the brink of anger, guilt and grief. And contrary to what he sometimes said and did, he had also loved his father. Yet he too, had died and Sam’s slowly recovering heart had once again taken another blow. The last person he had loved had been Dean, his elder brother had always been there loving him, protecting him, he was one of Sam’s earliest memories. Sam had loved him wholeheartedly. He had thought he had been deeply in love with Jess, when Sam had fallen for Dean he had realized he had loved Jess but what he had with Dean was so much stronger. And despite their unusual and dangerous career path, it had never occurred to Sam that Dean would ever die and leave him alone, especially after they had become more than just brothers. He realized now that he had some sort of twisted thinking that because he was Dean’s baby brother as well as his lover that they would never be torn apart by death so ealry, Dean would never allow it. When it had happened, Sam desperately wanted it to be a horrible nightmare, had prayed he would wake up in a dingy motel room where Dean would bounce in and announce “Wake up Sleeping Beauty. time to hit the road.”. But it hadn’t been a nightmare, it was real, from that day forward he had decided Dean was the love of his life and he would never find anyone else to love. Loving someone so deeply was painful and not worth it when that person left, it was easier to not get too close to anyone and Dean was irreplaceable, not only had he lost a lover in Dean that day, but also his closest friend, confidante and protective big brother.

 

Sam sighed as his eyes welled up with tears due to the depressing and painful memories he had drug up. 

 

“Get yourself together”, he ordered himself. He had a hunt to do and he needed a clear head to ensure things ran smoothly. He was about a 7 hour drive away from Palo Alto and was heading towards a small out of the way town that had been in the news lately concerning mysterious murders of some of its townspeople. a quick online research showed that several drivers had somehow lost control of their vehicles and missed a sharp bend in the road traveling at high speed before crashing through steel bars on the side of the road and plummeting down the cliff side. the accidents had been steadily increasing over the last 15 years or so. The stretch of road had been checked and rechecked with each accident and each time it was declared safe, the condition of the road was not the cause of these accidents. No one could seem to identify what was causing these accidents, the road was in good condition, warning signs about the sharp bend were clear, each vehicle was in satisfactory working condition, none of the drivers, whom most were locals and therefore knew about the sharp bend in the road and how to pass it safely, were drunk or under the influence of drugs at the time. There was no reason why these accidents kept occurring at the same place and it made no sense. 

 

Sam had traced the car crashes back 15 years to the first recorded fatality on that stretch of road. After further, more careful research Sam had come across an article about the first accident. It was quite detailed and Sam had later found out it was because the first victim had been a prominent man and was quite an important person in town. There was also the juicy scandal that surrounded his death, apparently Randall Patterson had been speeding on the road chasing down his girlfriend who had broken their engagement and had run away with his younger brother in the dark of the night. He had flown into a rage after she had returned his expensive diamond engagement ring and seeing the couple speed away in their car he had given pursuit determined to bring the girl back, too caught up in the chase he had not been prepared for the sharp bend and had crashed and fallen to his death.

 

Sam had soon discovered that after Randall’s death the first fatality on that same road had occurred nearly a year afterwards and which had claimed the lives of a young local couple. The interesting thing was that a man had almost gone over the edge of the cliff at the same place a few days earlier before that. He had claimed that while driving along the stretch of road he had lost control of the car, that the steering wheel had locked into position, the doors had locked themselves and the break refused to respond as the car suddenly accelerated and when he glanced in the rear view mirror he had glimpsed an image of Randall Patterson. The car had not been going fast enough to crash through the steel guards along the road and the man had walked away with slight cuts and bruises. No one had believed his story because he was found to be under the influence of alcohol at the time and his story was dismissed as drunken ramblings, the cause of the accident was deemed to be reckless driving while drunk.

 

After questioning some of the older townspeople who would remember the first accident he had discovered that Randall was filthy rich and made sure everyone knew it.

 

He was described as snobbish, demanding, rude and quick tempered with a cruel streak. Sam got the impression that Randall’s girlfriend had made the right decision and had had a lucky escape, marriage to Randall would have been a phenomenal mistake. Apparently Randall had coaxed the girl into agreeing to marry him because she was penniless and her mother was ill and needed surgery which she would never be able to afford by herself. Sam was told that although there was no proof, he was cruel to the girl , was insanely jealous and possessive of her, treating her like a possession and often insulting her and lashing out when he believed she was flirting with other men. Sam was beginning to suspect that Randall was a vengeful spirit and had been using his anger to kill drivers passing the place where he had died, refusing to allow anyone to be happy and alive after he had lost his girlfriend to his younger half brother with whom he had hated since they were children. 

 

Daniel Patterson was the illegitimate love child of Randall’s father and the woman he had been seeing behind his wife’s back. Soon after the woman died suddenly her son was adopted by his real father, rumour has it that Randall’s mother hated the child on sight and never openly accepted him into the family, Randall followed the example. It seemed that even after death Randall refused to give up what he believed was rightfully his and if he couldn’t have it then no one should. His anger had driven his spirit to grow in power and he had used it to steadily kill more and more innocent motorists in the same way he had died on the same stretch of road he had been on while chasing down his brother.

 

Back in the dingy motel room he had rented for the night Sam figured it was a simple find the bones-salt-and burn deal. Easy. He’d be back on the road heading back to Cali by later tonight. After packing everything he would need for tonight’s hunt- salt, lighter, shovel, torch into the Impala he spent the next few hours of daylight watching T.V and dozing lightly on the lumpy motel bed. As soon as he had decided it was dark enough outside to allow him to sneak into the cemetery unnoticed Sam hurried to the local cemetery located just past the only church in town. As soon as he approached Randall’s headstone he began to dig immediately. A few hours later Sam watched as the salted corpse was set alight and began to burn quickly, a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment filled him. 

 

Sam was packed and pulling out of the motel car park in minutes. He was looking forward to getting back to Palo Alto, he had already missed two days of classes and he wouldn’t be back in time for tomorrow’s either. He figured he might as well skip those too and hang out and relax at his apartment for a little while. The quickest way back to California was on the same road Randall had been ‘haunting’, Sam had been driving a few minutes when he saw the sign indicating a sharp bend was up ahead and lifted his foot of the accelerator preparing to take the bend smoothly. A tingle of uncertainty and dread filled him suddenly, something wasn’t quite right. His breath caught in his throat as he looked into the rear view mirror. Randall was sitting in the back seat, a cold grin on his pale face. Before Sam could even mutter ‘shit’ the automatic locks clicked into place, the car accelerated and the steering wheel locked into place.

 

“Damn it!” Sam growled in frustration as he tried to brake the car, attempting to move the steering wheel at the same time. Both attempts were useless and he was rapidly heading towards the bend, the Impala would crash through the guard rails and he would go flying off the cliff edge.. Sam’s mind spun as he tried to understand how this was happening. Hadn’t he salted and burnt the remains? Why wasn’t Randall gone? 

 

Forget this for a moment, figure it out later, if you survive you ass! he told himself, first off figure out how you’re gonna get yourself out of this situation. Sam glanced desperately around him, his gaze fell onto his rumpled duffle bag on the passenger seat and part of the sawed off shotgun loaded with rock salt sticking out. Letting go of the immobilized steering wheel he grabbed the gun, twisting around and shooting rock salt into Randall’s face. He contorted briefly and disappeared from the car, the steering wheel unlocked and Sam was relieved to see the brakes were working again. Spinning the wheel away from the side of the road and slamming down on the brakes Sam’s heart pumped hard as the front of the Impala veered away from the guard rails, unfortunately the car had been traveling so fast Sam and he’d had to spin the wheel so much that the Impala skidded on the road and the middle and back of the car crashed into the rails. A horrible screeching sound filled Sam’s ears as the car connected with metal, he heard shattering glass and metal being crumpled, Sam felt blinding pain as his head smashed against the window. Everything was quiet as Sam lifted his aching head and held his breath as he wondered whether the impact had been strong enough to knock down the safety rail allowing the Impala to go over the edge. The guards tilted but didn’t give way, Sam released his breath in relief, he was safe.

Sam inspected his face in the mirror. A large gash bled from the side of his forehead and cheek. He gingerly probed the surrounding bruises on the side of his face and winced, he wondered if he had a concussion and decided it was possible. Aside from the head wounds Sam suspected he would have deep bruising along his left side when he’d been slammed into the side of his car as it crashed from the aching he felt. He turned his attention to the car, it was no doubt horribly damaged.

 

“And I just got you tuned up too!” he muttered to himself. Fortunately he had acquired a nice sum of savings recently. He had helped a few desperate and grateful people with supernatural problems causing them to fear for their life and who had insisted on repaying him with cash as a sign of their gratitude. He would have the Impala fixed and back on the road in no time.

 

“Don’t worry Dean. I’m taking care of your baby.” he said softly. A long ago memory came to mind. 

 

“Sammy, you gotta take good care of that car or I swear I’ll haunt your ass.” Dean had told him in a weak voice as he lay in the hospital bed, believing he was dying after he was electrocuted and had damaged his heart on the hunt. Sam’s heart constricted painfully as he thought about Dean. The shock of the crash and his confusion about the feelings that were developing about Julian became too much to handle. Sobs shook his body as memories took over him, the good, the bad, the in betweens. God he missed him so much. There were times when he could think about Dean and only shed a single tear, there were others when it just hit him hard that he would never see Dean again, never joke with him, never laugh with him, never argue with him, never kiss him again.

 

Once his emotions had been spent Sam cautiously turned the engine back on, he needed to get away from here before Randall returned, most likely more pissed off then before after copping a load of rock salt. Sam hastily treated his wounds, disinfecting the gash, wiping away drying blood and applied a bandage, he wondered if the Impala was still drivable and hoped he’d be able to get back to Palo Alto and back to Des’ garage. Sam was a bit uneasy about taking the Impala back to that garage, he was sure he’d be asked a few unanswerable questions about how the car had been damaged but Sam didn’t want to take Dean’s Impala to a garage that wasn’t reliable. Dean had treated their father’s car like his only child and Sam wasn’t about to offend Dean’s memory by taking the Impala to a dodgy mechanic. If Dean were here, he’d smack the back of Sam’s head for daring to think such a thing. Then again, Sam thought, if Dean were here, he’d insist on working on the car himself.

 

To his relief the engine seemed fine and Sam was confident he’d get the himself and the Impala back to Palo Alto in one piece. It seemed the most damage were the smashed windows, the dented and crumpled side and the scratched paint work. First he’d have to go back and find out why Randall hadn’t been gotten rid of after the salt and burn. On the short drive back to the town he decided that either he hadn’t gotten all the remains or Randall had attached himself to something. Either way he had to work fast before someone else was killed. 

 

Sam decided to drive straight to Randall’s mansion. He would have to search the house and search for anything that was keeping Randall’s spirit alive. As Sam drove up to the house he noticed there were no lights on inside and breathed a sigh of relief. It would be no problem breaking in and doing some investigating. He had heard earlier Randall’s mother was living in her apartment in New York and had been spending less and less time here since her son’s death. His father had passed away a few years before Randall’s death. A maid came in to clean the mansion 3 days a week and the gardener came twice a week, Sam wouldn’t have to worry about being caught.

 

Once inside Sam quickly acquainted himself with the layout of the house. He found Randall’s room on the second floor and immediately set about looking for anything that would help Sam figure out what was holding Randall back. Sam was beginning to get frustrated, he had been in Randall’s room for nearly an hour and he still had no clue what the ghost was bound too, Sam opened the closet and spotted an old looking trunk stuck in the back.

 

Ah huh! He thought, quickly dragging it out of the closet. Inside the trunk Sam found all sorts of memorabilia, searching through it Sam found what he was looking for. In a small wooden box he found what appeared to be a lock of Randall’s hair and a small vial labeled ‘Randall’s baby teeth’ written in feminine loopy writing. Most likely his mother’s writing Sam guessed. Sam took the box and after carefully rearranging the room crept out of the house. Outside in the garden Sam quickly salted and burned the remains. Now it’s finished, Sam thought tiredly. 

 

By the time Sam had driven into Palo Alto it was nearly 7am, his entire body alternated between feeling numb and achy, his head was pounding and he was beginning to feel a little light headed. He decided he would drop off the Impala at the garage, catch a cab back to his apartment and crash for a nice long nap. Sam pulled out his mobile and saw he had a number of messages and missed calls. Scrolling through most of then he saw they were from his friends, mostly Ben and along the lines of ‘Dude where are you?’. he decided he’d return a message later when he got back. He then dialed Des’ number.

 

“Des’s Garage, Des speaking” a deep voice answered.

 

“Hey Des. It’s Sam Winchester speaking. Uhh I have a …problem…with the Impala. Can I bring her into you today?”

 

When Des answered Sam could hear the slight confusion in his voice. “But didn’t we just have her tuned up a coupla days ago?”

 

“Ah yeah that was good, this is just…something else. You’ll see when I get there. Is 10 minutes ok?”

 

“Yeah sure. We’ll be waiting.” Des answered curiously.

 

When Sam pulled up in front of the garage he prayed he wouldn’t get any awkward questions about what exactly had happened. He could see Lenny and Julian working on a car in the garage, backs turned to him. He felt his heart flutter a litlle as he saw Julian. He checked his reflection in the rear view mirror and winced. The bruises on his face had darkened, the thick white bandage on his forehead stood out in stark contrast aginst his pale and bruised face., dark shadows hung under his eyes and blood coated his shirt. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to be here right now, he thought. Before he could change his mind though, he saw Des come out of his office and catch sight of him. Sam saw his mouth drop open as he caught sight of the damage to the Impala and then he was striding out to him.

 

“What the hell happened?!” he exclaimed as he cast a professional eye over the damage.

 

Julian and Des followed quickly after him shocked looks on their faces. And then Julian caught sight of Sam.

 

“Holy crap are you alrite?” he asked worridley, bending down so he was eye to eye with him.

 

“Umm yeah.”, Sam shrugged . “Had a little accident. Do ya think you can fix it Des? How bad is the damage?”

 

“Bring it inside. We’ll take a closer look at it” he answered.

 

Stepping out of the car Sam felt a wave of dizziness and swayed slightly. Julian was by his side in a flash. He grabbed his arm.

 

“Are you sure you’re alrite?” he asked, not convinced. “I think you need to get to the ER or something, did you hit your head?” he continued, staring at the bandage on Sam’s head.

 

“It’s nothing” Sam tried to play down his injuries.

 

“You did hurt your head didn’t you?” Julian accused. “You could have concussion, you need to get yourself checked out.” he insisted.

 

Des looked at the pale, injured kid in front of him. He looked like he was gonna collapse at any moment. He fished out his car keys and threw them at Julian.

 

“Jay, you better take Sam to the hospital, get his wounds checked.” he said.

 

Julian caught the keys, hesitated then nodded sharply.

 

“Let’s go Sammy” he said in a firm voice. Sam glanced at Julian in surprise, he had sounded just like Dean did whenever he was hurt and pretending he was fine, right down to the commanding firm tone to the use of his childhood name. He allowed himself to be led out to Des’ car. This is so weird, he thought, he was letting a kid no older than 18 or 19 whose head barley came up to his shoulder lead him around and take care of him. It felt strangely comforting, reminding himself of Dean and his protective elder brother routine.

 

The ride to the ER was quiet, the waiting room was pretty empty so Sam was able to have his wounds checked fairly quickly. He didn’t protest when Julian insisted on coming with him. Sam gave the doctor treating him the bare facts, he’d been in a car accident and had hit his head. His gash was checked, re-disinfected and stitched and his bruises checked. The doctor’s diagnosis didn’t please him.

 

“I’m fairly certain you’re suffering a concussion. I’m going to have to admit you into the hospital for the night if you don’t have anyone at home who can observe you for the next 24 hours. The effects of concussion are a little tricky, and it’d be dangerous if you passed out while you were alone. Is there anyone or do you want to be admitted for the night?” he asked.

 

“I’m sure I’ll be fine doc. Just let me outta here, I can take care of everything.” Sam said. He sure as hell wasn’t staying at the hospital, he was heartily sick of them, moreso since Dean’s death.

 

“I’m afraid if you have no one responsible for you for the next 24 hours then I can’t let you go.” the doctor responded disapprovingly.

 

“I can call some friends I guess, but they’re probably still in class for the next few hours.” Sam grudgingly revealed.

 

Julian’s voice piped up. “I’ll stay with you till then.” he offered, blushing a little.

 

Sam’s eyes darted to meet Julian’s. “But, uhh, you don’t have to do that. don’t you have to get back to the garage?” he stumbled.

 

Julian smiled slightly. “I’m sure it’ll be ok. Its only for a couple of hours right? I can always work extra hours at the garage to make up for it. It’s no big deal.” he said.

 

“Ahh, um, ok then. Thanks.” he mumbled awkwardly. He felt bad for making Julian miss work to ‘baby-sit’ him but he didn’t want to stay at the hospital a moment longer.

 

The doctor nodded, glad it had worked out. “Ok then I’ll just write you a prescription for some mild pain killers for the bruising and pain. You might have some headaches for the next couple of days because of the accident. Take it easy alright?”. He then advised Julian on how to know if Sam’s condition worsened and if Sam did get worse to bring him straight back.

 

Getting back into Des’ car, Julian pulled out his mobile and called Des, explaining the situation and asking if it was alrite to stay with Sam for awhile, he readily agreed, telling him there was no need to hurry back. After getting Sam’s address Julian pulled away from the curb and headed towards Sam’s apartment after stopping off at the pharmacist first to get Sam’s medication. 

 

When Julain pulled up outside Sam’s apartment Sam was starting to feel the effects of the prescription pills he had taken on the ride home. He felt light and sleepy, as if he was floating on clouds. He was hardly aware of Julian manouvering him out of the passenger seat and towards the building entrance.

 

“Floor and room number?” he asked Sam.

 

He mumbled the answer and wished he was in his warm bed right now, he felt so tired. He vaguely remembered handing Julian his keys to the apartment and being led inside and tucked into bed.

 

Sam was rudely shaken out of his deep, dreamless sleep by Julian calling his name and shaking his shoulder. Sam opened one eye and concentrated his bleary eyesight on Julian’s face. He looks almost like an angel, Sam thought, focusing on the younger man’s pretty features.

 

“Sam, Sam can you tell what day it is?” Julian pestered.

 

Sam was nonplussed and a little peeved. Julian had woken him from his wonderful drug induced sleep just to ask him what day it was? When Sam remained quiet Julian's smooth features creased in what appeared to be concern.

 

"Come on man, I need you to tell me if you know what day it is today. I need to know you havn't taken a harder hit to your head then the doctor thought. Sam?"

 

Sam scrunched up his face as he tried to make his mushy mind concentrate. 

 

"It's...Thursday...right?"

 

Julian's face relaxed and he grinned slightly.

 

"Yep. Now tell me the exact date." he said, looking down at a piece of paper in his hand. When he spied Sam looking at it he explained it was a list of questions he had to ask Sam to make sure his concussion hadn't worsened. the whole list took about 10 minutes to answer and Sam eagerly closed his eyes and went back to sleep when they were done.

 

What felt like minutes later, Sam was again awakened by Julian clutching his shoulder. Julian had an apologetic look on his face.

 

"Sorry man but the doc said I had to do this every hour for the next couple of hours to make sure everything's ok."

 

Sam sighed and answered the same questions he had already answered earlier. Moments later it occured to him he that it was nearly midday and Ben would be finishing the last of his classes for today. He needed to call him and see if he could come over, he didn't want to keep Julian from the garage too long. 

 

Digging through his jacket on the floor beside the bed for his mobile he smiled at Julian.

 

"Hey Julian, thanks for doing all this man. You didn't have to."

 

He was amused to see Julian blush at the earnest thanks being given and stammered a reply, trying to brush it off, as if practical strangers skipped work to care for an injured person all the time.

 

"Well I'm gonna call a friend who should be free soon and see if he can come over. I don't want to keep you from work any longer." Sam said.

 

Julian nodded mutely. Sam was surprised to see what he thought was a flicker of disappoinment flash in his expressive eyes. You were just imagining it, Sam thought, shaking it off.

 

Scrolling through his contacts list, Sam called Ben who picked up after just 3 rings.

 

"Sam! Where the hell are you? Are you ok? Where have you been these past few days? Me and everyone else have been calling and texting for days!"

 

Sam was surprised by Ben's frantic behaviour. 

 

"Whoa Ben slow down man. I'm fine...sort of. Actually that's why I'm calling. I kinda had an accident..." at this point he was cut off by Ben's exclamation of concern.

 

"Accident?! What accident? What happened?"

 

"Umm, car accident but yeah I'm ok. Just a few cuts and bruises. But the thing is the doc I went to see reckons I might have a concussion, wouldn't let me go home unless I had someone to watch me. Anyway I had someone here with me but he's gotta get back to work so I was wondering... well..." Sam explained and trailled off uncertainly. He hated asking for favours and for being a burden.

 

Ben seemed to understand what Sam was trying to ask.

 

"No problem man. I'll be there in about half an hour."

 

Sam felt a warmth inside him that he had made such a good friend.

 

"Thanks Ben... I really appreciate it."

 

Julian came back into Sam's bedroom a few moments after the murmer of Sam's voice faded and he knew Sam had gotten off the phone to which ever friend he had called.

 

Sam smiled at him. "Everythings sorted. You should be able to get back to the garage in about half an hour or so".

 

Julian nodded. "Is there anything you need? Are you hungry?" he asked.

 

Sam shook his head. "Nah I'm fine."

 

All tiredness had disappeared and he didn't think he could go back to sleep. Deciding he didn't want to hang around in his bed anymore he swung his legs off the bed and got up. Julian was by him in seconds.

 

"Need a hand?" he offered, worried Sam would fall. He had just been in a car accident after all, and if the damage to the Impala was anything to judge by, the accident had been pretty bad.

 

Sam was touched by Julian's concern, seeing Julian's earnest expression broke down another barrier he had erected in his heart since Dean's death. There was just something about this kid that really tugged at Sam's heart.

 

He let Julian lead him into his tiny living room and plopped onto the couch. He didn't want Ben coming over and treating him like an invalid, seeing him in bed would make him think Sam was more hurt then it seemed. Ben would be less worried if he saw Sam hanging out in the living room. 

 

Julian was going out of his way to make Sam comfortable. Fluffing his cushions, getting him a glass of water, asking him if he felt alright, was there any headaches? dizziness? nausea? 

 

Finally, Sam couldn't take anymore. There was a difference between being pampered and being smothered with concern. He held up a hand.

 

"Julian, dude. I'm fine. It's not the first time I've had a concussion. I'm mostly fine. Really."

 

Julian stopped, an embarrassed look on his face. "Ok. Sorry for going overboard. I mean I was just really, really worried about-" he stopped suddenly a horrified expression on his face as he realised he sounded overly concerned for a guy he barely knew.

 

He stumbled to correct his slip up. "I mean, that is I...uhh, umm, I...I should just go! Your friend will be here soon right? I think it'll be ok if you're alone for a little bit". He sounded distressed and panicky.

 

It was then that Sam realised that Julian probably had feelings for him too. Feelings that went further then friendship judging by his behaviour when he had revealed he was worried about him.

 

"Hey hey, it's Ok Julian." Sam reached out towards him. "When you said you were worried about me...did you mean...more than a friend would worry?"

 

Sam held his breath as he waited for the answer. His emotions were all jumble inside him but he knew for sure that he needed to know exactly what Julian felt about him.

 

Julian looked like a deer caught in spotlights as Sam asked him the question. A range of emotions flickered on his expressive face and Sam was able to figure out the answer before he even said anything.

 

Julian finally took a deep breath an dreleased it slowly. "Yeah...I,I think I feel more then just friendship for you. I...I'm sorry about this Sam. I tried not to, I swear! BUt the moment I saw you, something inside me just clicked and I had to have you. I'm sorry." he confessed miserably.

 

"You probably want me to go now right?" he asked sadly reaching for his jacket.

 

"No! Wait!" Sam blurted out. This was going so fast for him, he didn't want to think about what it meant to Dean's memory that he wanted Julian but he didn't want him to leave. He decided to come clean about his feelings too.

 

"I uhh, I think I feel the same way too Julian. Have for a while." he admitted quietly.

 

Julian's experssive eyes were wide and disbelieving, but he was listening.

 

"So you're not...angry or freaked out another guy likes you?" he asked.

 

Sam had drifted closer to Julian during his confession. He considered the question.

 

"Nah. Yeah I'm alittle freaked out but it's not that. I just lost someone really close to me recently and I haven't gotten over it. I don't know if I ever will. But I can't ignore what I'm feeling for you. I tried but it feels so..right." Sam explained. He looked at Julian absorb the information. 

 

God he's beautiful, Sam thought. Without thinking about anything and just letting himself feel instead he leaned forward slowly bringing his face closer to Julian's.

 

"Can I?" he whispered. He wanted to see what it would feel like to kiss him, to find out how strong his feelings for the mechanic were at the moment, whether it was something worth going for or not.

 

Julian sat frozen in place. His brain seemed to freeze as Sam's face came close to his. He's going to kiss me! he thought numbly. He jerked his head up and down when Sam asked permission to kiss him. I can't believe this is happening he thought. Sam's lips moved closer.

 

Before their lips could meet a jarring noise broke the silence. They jumped apart, someone was knocking at Sam's front door. Embarrassed Sam awkwardly left the couch and went to answer the door. Julian sighed quietly in disappointment.


	8. Chapter 8

  
Author's notes: hmm not much happening in this chapter but hopefully the next one will be much more interesting!  


* * *

Julian’s mind was spinning as an embarrassed Sam lept from the couch and headed to his front door. Sam had nearly kissed him! He couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that they’d been interrupted. He wondered who it was that was knocking on the door. The door was swung open and Julian saw an athletic looking guy with floppy brown hair who looked to be in his early twenties standing at the door with a concerned expression on his face. 

 

“Sam! Dude what the hell happened? You don’t turn up for classes for 3 days, don’t answer your door or your mobile, nobody knows where you are and then you call out of the blue and say you were in an accident! Everyone‘s been worried sick!”

 

Sam looked suitably chastised. “Ben I’m sorry…I didn’t think everyone would get so worked up about me bein gone for a coupla days. I had a…a job to do outta town, I thought I’d be back before today but there were some…complications, shall we say.”

 

Ben looked at his friend, studying his appearance critically. His clothes were rumpled and his floppy hair all over the place and he looked tired and pale. He had a large, thick bandage taped on his forehead and cheek and ugly bruises were turning a range of colours, mottling his face. He winced in sympathy for his friend and wondered yet again what sort of job Sam did that was so important he had to leave town and skip classes to do. 

 

“Maybe you should sit down Sam. Shouldn’t be straining yourself. Doctor’s orders.”

 

Ben had been so busy focusing on Sam and venting his concern he hadn’t noticed a third presence in Sam’s apartment. He turned to see a guy a little younger then him standing uncertainly in front of the couch. He was slightly shorter then him with a mop of black curls and bright blue eyes, he was dressed in baggy overalls streaked with what looked like motor oil.

 

As Sam closed the front door and led Ben into the living room he waved a hand at the younger man. “Julian, Ben. Ben, Julian. Julian works at the garage where I took my car. Ben’s a friend from college.” he explained quickly before sagging into the couch. It had been a rough couple of days with the hunt turning out to be more complicated then he had thought and then nearly totaling the Impala and getting hurt. 

 

“You don’t look so good man. You need to lie down?” Ben asked worriedly.

 

“Nup I already did earlier. I’m fine just a little worn out.” Sam answered.

 

Julian appeared by his other side, glass of water in one hand, pill bottle in the other. “You wanna take another dose? The doc said it was ok to take two pills every 6 hours or so if you think you need it.”. Sam nodded gratefully and swallowed the two pills he was given.

“I, uh, I guess I should be going then” Julian said quietly.

 

Sam felt mild alarm spread inside him at hearing Julian was leaving. He knew he had to get back to work but he didn’t know what to think about the kiss that had nearly happened before Ben arrived, he didn’t know what Julian thought or felt about what had happened either. They hadn’t had time to discuss anything, Sam needed to know where he stood with Julian, what they should do about the attraction between them, he wanted the jumbled emotions in him cleared and resolved.

 

“I, ahh…thanks for everything Julian.” Sam said, not sure how to express his gratitude. He wanted to say more but with Ben there it was impossible to say exactly what was on his mind. It would have to wait for now.

 

“I’ll drop by the garage tomorrow. See what sort of damage has been done to the car. You’ll be there right?” he continued uncertainly, conveying through his eyes that there was more then just checking up on his car. 

 

Julian nodded. “Yeah. I‘ll see you tomorrow.” he confirmed. He couldn’t really tell what Sam was thinking, whether it was good or bad. Did Sam regret nearly kissing him? Was he going to come into the garage tomorrow and tell him it was all a mistake? It looked like he was going to have to wait till tomorrow to find out.

 

Julian pulled himself out of his mental fretting as Sam’s friend, Ben announced that Sam sit back and rest while he walked Julian to the door. 

 

While they walked quietly to the front door, something caught Julian’s eye. He slowed down to see several framed papers hanging around the room. When he had first brought Sam back to the apartment he had been too focused on him to notice the finer details of Sam’s décor. Now he took a glance at one of the frames and saw a strange symbol emblazed across plain paper. Julian was pretty sure he had never seen anything like that in his life but it seemed so familiar, as if he should recognise what it symbolized. The meaning of it niggled at the back of his head, he knew what it meant.

 

“Pretty out-there isn’t it?” Ben asked smiling as he noticed Julian staring at one of the frames. “Sam’s a bit superstitious, says they ward off evil.”. 

 

Suddenly, Julian’s head cleared and he realized he knew what several of the symbols meant. The one he had been looking off didn’t just ward off evil, it was a symbol that warded off upper level demons, ones that had no trouble stepping over salt lines and weren’t effected by holy water. Holy crap what am I thinking! Julian thought. This can’t be right. Paranormal things didn’t exist, your imagination’s just running wild. Julian knew he was dismissing these strange occurrences too easily, that maybe there really was something wrong with him but he didn’t want to deal with any of that now. He wanted to concentrate on Sam and what might happen between them. He had never felt so strongly about anyone before. He had spent nearly his whole life alone and abused, he didn’t know how to handle these developments in his life, but his heart seemed to be telling him to go for it, that happiness lay just around the corner.

 

“Hey man, that was a really good thing to do, staying with Sam today. Even though you hardly know him and all”, Ben said appreciatively breaking the silence. 

 

Julian blushed slightly and shrugged. “Anyone else would have done the same thing” he brushed the compliment away. 

 

Ben chuckled. “I doubt it.”

 

“Anyway there’s instructions on the table over there about symptoms to look out for that might mean Sam’s head injury is getting worse, the hospital’s number and general instructions.” Julian told Ben everything he needed to know to watch out for Sam.

 

Ben nodded, listening intently. When Julian was done he called out a goodbye to Sam and waved to Ben before leaving. 

 

Ben closed the door after Julian left and went back to see his friend. He intended to find out what had happened and how Sam had ended up hurt. He knew Sam would probably try to gloss over the facts or try to change the subject but Ben was getting increasingly concerned about his friend. Ben generally wasn’t the type of friend or person who pried into other people’s businesses but in this case he was just so worried. 

 

Ben sat on the sofa opposite Sam. “You sure you’re feeling ok?” he asked.

 

Sam sighed “I feel fine.”

 

“Then you want to tell me where you’ve been man?” he asked. 

 

Sam squirmed uncomfortably. He could see where Ben was hading and hoped he would stick with questions he could answer as truthfully as possible. He hated lying to his friends.

 

“I went to this little town about 7, 8 hours drive away from here.” he answered truthfully.

 

Ben frowned. “What for Sam? Couldn’t you have waited for the weekend or something?”

 

Sam mentally cursed himself, this question required a made up excuse, he couldn’t exactly say it was for a ghost hunt. “Former client of my dad called. Said he was in some sort of trouble and needed my help”.

 

Ben mulled this over and seemed to accept it. “ And how’d you get hurt?”

 

Sam shrugged. “ I don’t really know what happened. I finished what I needed to do and was heading back here. Some unexpected things happened and it took me a bit longer to help this guy out. Anyway it was pretty late by the time everything was finished but I didn’t want to stay any longer and miss more classes so I decided I’d drive back then instead of finding a motel to crash for the night. I was driving and then something like a cat or a dog or something ran across the road and I had to swerve to miss running it over and I ended up crashing into the safety rails on the side of the road.”

 

The explanation was so plausible that Ben had to accept it. “Ok man. Next time you gotta go out and play hero just make sure you give us a call or text or something so we don’t freak out about you disappearing.” he joked. His tone was joking but his eyes were serious, he had really been worried when Sam hadn’t shown up to classes and hadn’t answered the phone or been at his apartment.

 

Sam just nodded. Only now did he just realise that Ben considered him a true friend, not just someone he liked hanging out with every now and then. Sam felt a little guilty that Ben and the others had been really worried about him while he had barely given them a thought when he was on the hunt. He had kept his distance since returning to Stanford for his studies after Dean’s death not wanting to form any bonds. He had been a little selfish, Sam realized. He had wanted to have friends but only if they didn’t pry into his private business, didn’t force him to go hang with them, didn’t want anyting in return for being his friend. He had expected all the benefits of friendship without giving anything back.

 

“Ben…I’m sorry, really. I should have thought about what you guys would think about me just leaving like that. I’ve been a bad friend” Sam said guiltily.

 

Ben looked surprised. Then he smiled. “Hey man it’s ok. No need to beat yourself up about it. Looks like someone already did it for ya!” he laughed refering to Sam’s multiple bruises and cuts.

 

Sam smiled, relieved he had been forgiven.

 

“Hey you have a car? I didn’t know that. Don’t you like walk or bus everywhere man?” Ben asked.

 

“It’s Dean’s car actually. I would never consider getting rid of it. Used to belong to our dad. It’s Dean’s baby.”, Sam answered, while thinking, we practically grew up in it after moms death.

 

“I see. Much damage?” he quizzed.

 

Sam groaned and dropped hs head into his hands. “ I don’t know the exact extent of damage. But from what I saw I’d say its pretty bad. Smashed windows and the side is practically crumpled in.”

 

Ben whistled low in his throat. “Dude that’s tough. And Julian‘s a mechanic where you had your car taken?”

 

Ben mentioning Julian’s name caused Sam’s mind to flood with the memory of what had happened- and what had almost happened between them before Ben arrived. Blushing slightly, he nodded. Thankfully Ben didn’t seem to notice and the conversation turned to other topics like work Sam would need to catch up on for classes. 

 

After a few more minutes of conversation, Sam couldn’t help but start feeling tired and sleepy. Ben noticed his friend struggling to keep his eyes open and convinced him to go back to sleep. Sam didn’t even think about arguing and headed straight for his bed. Dutifully following the doctor’s written instructions, Ben woke Sam up every few hours to check if he could tell him his name, birthdate, date and year to make sure he wasn’t suffering head trauma. 

 

When Sam woke up feeling more refreshed and alert the room was in complete darkness. He realized he had slept the hours away and was wondering what time it was when he heard voices coming from his living room. He knew Ben had stuck around but who were the other voices? Getting up he made his way out of the bedroom, as he came closer he caught the enticing aroma of pizza. His stomach growled and Sam realized he hadn’t eaten since before coming back to Palo Alto.

 

Blinking owlishly as his eyes adjusted to the bright lights in the living room, Sam found Ben sitting with Reno and Billy. Reno caught sight of him first. Sam mentally winced at the look of shock on his face.

 

“You’re not looking so hot right now Sam.” he said.

 

Ben and Billy turned to see Sam. 

 

“Hey dude. You hungry? Billy and Reno went and grabbed pizza on the way back after class.” Ben asked.

 

“Oh man it looks like you went 10 rounds with King Kong! No more secret outta town excursions for you!” Billy exclaimed.

 

Sam smiled weakly at Billy’s attempt to put him at ease. 

 

“Hey guys…sorry about just taking off like that.” he began, awkwardly trying to apologise. 

 

Before he could continue Billy had stopped him. 

 

“No problem dude. Just next time you gotta take off let one of us know or something.”

 

Reno nodded his agreement. 

“You know, if you ever need any…help or whatever, we’re here man.” he said, a serious expression on his face.

 

Sam wondered how on earth he had found such a great circle of friends. Not wanting to have his throat tighten up with emotion or tearing up if the conversation continued he blurted out “Ok, Ok. No more chick-flick moments.”, using Dean’s favourite line against expressing his emotions. 

 

They all shared an understanding grin and glad there was nothing vaguely emotional left to discuss they turned to their usual banter and dug into the pizza, ribbing Sam about getting to skip the most longest, boring lecture they had ever experienced that year. And also how Ben had finally picked up the nerve to ask Anna out, where they had agreed to go hang out at one of the college’s bars. The rest of the group had joined them to make the ‘first date’ more casual. Billy took great delight in informing Sam how Danny had gotten too drunk that night resulting in him stumbling around screeching a dirty limerick at the top of his lungs before falling into the water fountain in front of the bar where Billy, Reno and Ben had had to haul him out. Sam laughed at the descriptive retelling of events, it felt good to be just hanging around with some good friends, pretending there wasn’t a care in the world. Sam knew he couldn’t ever truly feel like that, he had seen too many things normal people never knew even existed, hunted things that were so gruesome and evil that he would never experience the naivety and ignorant bliss that his friends did. But it felt good to pretend, just for a little while. He could pretend the most pressing matter he had to handle was how badly damaged the Impala was, whether his professors would accept his apologies about missing class and of course what he was going to do about a certain mechanic he knew, and was maybe falling in love with?


	9. Chapter 9

  
Author's notes: so, its been awhile since i last updated. eek sorry about that! but! im working on it and i think there's only a few more chapters left, 3 or 4 maybe which i am working on now. this chpt is a lot shorter than normal and not much happens here but the next chapters will be heating up, i hope.  


* * *

Sam yawned as he woke slowly. He contined to lie in bed as he thought about the previous day’s events while he fingered the bandage on his head lightly, testing the tenderness. The smell of something burning broke through his thoughts and he sat up quickly before throwing the bed covers away from him as he jumped out of bed and ran towards the smell.

 

Sam stood in the kitchen and took in the scene before him. 

 

“Ooops sorry man” Reno chimed cheerfully, as he waved his hands around in an attempt to wave the smell of burnt toast out the window.

 

“You were supposed to be watching the toast, jerk” Ben teased.

 

“No I wasn’t. you were supposed to be watching it!“ Reno replied.

 

“You know. You guys insisted on staying over to watch over me…but now I think it shoud be me watching over you guys. Seriously how can two grown men not be able to work a toaster?” Sam asked with a raised brow.

 

Reno laughed. “Hey, I can work a toaster perfectly fine. I live off that stuff. Its Mr Moneybags over here that has no culinary skills whatsoever. Probably never had to make his own meal his entire life”.

 

Ben took the jab good naturedly. “Okay so maybe I’ve had it easy in the food stakes, but since college I’ve had to fend for myself. My cooking skills are slowly growing. By the way it was the toaster’s fault the bread burned. I swear I only turned away for like, a second.”

 

“Yeah, sure” Reno laughed.

 

Sam smiled as he lowered his long frame onto the chair tucked into the dining table. 

 

“Hey guys, don’t you have plans and stuff to do today? You don’t have to stick around on my account. I’m pretty sure I’m fine now.” Sam asked.

 

Ben frowned slightly, “It’s fine dude. I can hang around. I didn’t have any plans at all. And dude, you were in a freakin car crash, I’m not gonna leave you all by yourself less than 24 hours after the accident. You could have internal bleeding or a delayed shock reaction and pass out or…something”.

 

Sam raised an eyebrow, “Dude, that’s so melodramatic. I’m fine.”, he stressed.

 

“Look Sam, just go with the flow ok? We’re just trying to be good friends.” Reno said.

 

Sam sighed, “I know…its just I don’t like feeling like I owe people and you’ve helped me so much already when you didn’t need to.” Sam tried to explain.

 

“Hey man it’s fine. Forget it. Its what mates do for each other”, Reno said.

 

“Agreed. Now who feels like bagels and donuts for breakfast?” Ben grinned, pulling out his wallet. “There’s a great coffe place down the street. I can just run over” he finished.

 

Reno rolled his eyes and chucked a piece of blackened toast at his friend.

 

=========================================================

 

They had just finished their sugar loaded breakfast when there was a knock at Sam’s front door. Reno left to answer the door and a few moments later came back with Anna and Margo following closely behind. Both of the petite girls practically threw themselves at Sam following rapid questions about his state of health, where he had been the past few days and how he was feeling.

 

They stayed for about half an hour while they expressed their fears at Sam’s sudden disappearance which caused Sam to grovel humbly for their forgiveness for scaring them, which was granted following the condition that he never do it again or at least give waarning before he had to take off again. Sam believed if he hadn’t been using his puppy eyes to maximum effect he would have had a tougher time earning the forgivenness of his surprisingly tough female friends. As soon as they left, promising to talk to him soon and reminding him to rest plenty and take his meds Reno and Ben sniggered at the drilling he had received from the girls. Sam leaned back into his chair and glanced at the clock. It was still early in the day but time felt as if it had been dragging. Julian had been on his mind since he had woken up. There was just something about him that pulled at him, made him want to see him and be close to him all the time. Sam wondered if he could ditch his buddies to see Julian. He couldn’t help remembering the almost-kiss between them, the smell of engine oil and male sweat on Julian’s skin, the softness of his full lips, the wide eyes.

 

Something was pulling him to the younger man, something invisible but strong, something that couldn’t be resisted. He wondered if he was ready for whatever was coming if he decided to explore a relationship with the mechanic. He hardly knew the kid, but he knew that the boy was gorgeous, a competent mechanic, caring and easy to be around. He also had a bit of a dark past and a difficult childhood, Sam didn’t know if the boy was ready for whatever was happening between them either. And that was another thing, Julian was barely legal, he was so young in Sam’s eyes even if he was only a few years older, the slight age difference still sat uncomfortably with Sam. Julian couldn’t even legally drink yet. He probably hadn’t even really decided where he wanted to go in life, what he wanted to do, who he wanted to be. And Sam wasn’t sure his heart would be able to take it if he invested into a relationship with Julian only to find later down the track he wasn’t what Julian wanted.

 

*It’s alright to be afraid Samuel. Trust in your heart, follow what it tells you. Everything will be fine.*

 

Sam stiffened as he heard a masculine voice next to his ear and felt a light touch on his shoulder, he quickly turned around but didn’t see anyone or anything. Ben and Reno were seated in front of the TV half heartedly watching the cop movie being shown. Nothing indicated that they had heard the voice or that anything was out of the normal. 

 

Sam once again scanned his small apartment for the source of the voice and saw nothing out of place. Was it a pill induced hallucination? Had he ended up with a worse concussion than he believed? Suddenly his tiny apartment felt stuffy and restricting and Sam had the strong urge to get of the place and to see Julian.

 

He stood up suddenly startling his two friends.

 

“Hey guys, lets go out and get some fresh air”, Sam suggested.

 

Ben eyed him critically. “You sure you up to it?’ he asked.

 

Sam raised a brow. “I’m not an invalid you know.” he huffed.

 

Reno laughed and stood up also. “I’m game. Nothing else on TV anyway”, he said.

 

Ben stood and stretched. “Any specific plan in mind Sam?”.

 

Sam shrugged. “I wanna go check out the damage to the car.”

 

“Okay then, let's go.” Ben said leading the way out of the apartment, snagging his car keys off the kitchen table.


	10. Chapter 10

  
Author's notes: a new chapter for you guys. i must admit i'm quite fond of this chapter and i hope you enjoy it too. beware tho, its just a tad sappy? lol  
the climax draws ever so closer XD  


* * *

The butterflies in Sam’s stomach were out in full force by the time Ben parked in front of the garage. Sam wondered if he would be able to walk into the garage and face Julian without blushing or acting a complete dork in front of him and everyone else.

 

Sam felt his breath catch as he entered the garage behind Ben and Reno and caught sight of Julian, who was vacuuming all the shattered glass from the Impala’s interior. He was running the vacuum along the back seat of the car, bent over slightly to reach the other end of the seat. The baggy overalls did little to conceal the curve of his ass and Sam let himself drink in the sight. He pictured himself running his large hands over the denim clad curves, slowly stripping it off him to reveal smooth skin, arranging the toned limbs to his liking in his bed. With the picture of Julian naked and spread on his bed in mind, Sam was instantly hard. He shifted uncomfortably and was glad he had carelessly thrown on a baggy hoody that morning.

 

“Hey kid.”

 

Sam turned to see Des wiping engine oil off his hands as he stepped away from one of the cars in the garage.

 

“Hey Des”, he replied.

 

Des approached closer and critically studied the bandage and various cuts and bruises on Sam’s face. He tried not to squirm from the other man’s close inspection. 

 

“Julian said the doctor thought you had a concussion”, Des continued.

 

Sam nodded. “Yeah, but I’m fine really. I’ve had worse” he said.

 

Des raised an eyebrow at that statement. He turned around and led Sam and his friends to the Impala where Julian had finished and was standing by the side of the car as he watched them approach. Sam winced as he took in the shattered windows and the scratched and crumpled metal. To him the Impala was basically the last thing he had left of Dean and Dad, he had practically grown up in the Impala’s backseat crisscrossing from one state to another. It was pretty much the one constant thing in his life after Dean. 

 

“So. What can you tell me Des?”, Sam asked.

 

He listened carefully as Des quickly and simply outlined the damage done and the repairs he would need to do. 

 

He had almost forgotten Ben and Reno standing by him until Reno whistled low under his breath in appreciation.

 

“Dude. That your car? Oh man, what a beauty!” he said.

 

Sam smiled, a little bittersweet. “Yeah. It belongs to…belonged to Dean”.

 

“He had good taste”, Ben said as he clapped Sam on the shoulder.

 

“Hey Sam.”, Sam’s pulse seemed to speed up as Julian approached him. He tried to ignore the effect of bright blue eyes fixed entirely on him and the small pink bow of a mouth that had been the focus of many of his dreams lately. He realized, belatedly that Julian had been talking while he pep talked himself and had missed everything the younger man had said and that now Julian was staring at him strangely.

 

“Sorry. Umm can you just repeat that?” he asked in a rush.

 

Julian frowned. “I asked of you wanted to settle the paperwork now or later. Are you sure you’re alright? Maybe you shouldn’t have come so soon after the accident.” he said.

 

“No! No, it’s fine honest. I just zoned out for a moment. Umm yeah, lets sort the paperwork stuff now while I’m here.” Sam decided.

 

“Great.” Julian replied as he gestured for Sam to follow him toward the office. Sam checked to see both Reno and Ben busily admiring a silver sports car being fine tuned before he turned to follow Julian. 

 

Inside the office, Sam signed the paperwork while sneaking glances at the younger man from beneath his floppy hair. He was amused to see Julian blush slightly as they bumped fingers when Sam handed him the signed papers.

 

Although he had had his reservations earlier, being in the presence of Julian made him feel more daring, more excited, the world felt a brighter place when they were spending time together. There was a definite attraction and bond between them and although both of them had had rough experiences with life and love they couldn’t hide from feeling and loving forever. Sam had sunk into a depressive state, simply living to exist, ignoring many of the pleasures of life, but he realized that was a mistake. Living was a gift, with his knowledge of the existence of things that went bump in the night, he should have learnt to take love where he could find it because at any moment your life or that of a loved one could be taken forever. He had loved Dean, would love him till the day he died and the hurt of his sudden death would never completely heal but he was still young enough to love again and that would be what he should do. There was something special about Julian and he wanted to explore that.

 

“Hey Julian, you wanna…hang out later?” he asked, trying to sound and act casual.

 

Julian looked at him surprised, he stuttered as he hesitated. 

 

Sam’s heart sank. Maybe he had been wrong about the mutual attraction between them and it was only one sided. Julian was young, he was probably confused about his feelings. Maybe he didn't mean what he said before they nearly kissed. 

 

“Look. Do we need to…talk? About yesterday? And what almost happened? Did I corner you into it? Oh God, did I almost make you do something you didn't want to?” Sam asked hesitantly, referring to their almost-kiss.

 

Julian’s blush deepened. “No! I mean I, umm, hanging out later sounds good.”, he quickly replied.

 

Sam felt unconvinced. “Look, Julian. I have to be honest with you. I really…like you, as a friend, but also more than that. Do you get what I mean?” he asked.

 

Julian nodded and opened his mouth to say something but Sam quickly cut in wanting to get this off his chest. 

 

“I have to admit the last few serious relationships I had didn’t end well and I’m a bit wary of the whole dating- again thing but the moment I met you I just. It felt like there was this instant connection between us even though we hadn’t even really known each other. At first I tried to fight it, I did, but something unexplainable just kept drawing me back to you. And I really, really want to get to know you better.”

 

Sam sighed and forged on, words tumbling from his lips. “ But I understand if you don’t feel like this about me at all, I mean I would love to have you as more than a friend but if being friends is all you just want us to be than I think I can accept that. It’ll be tough but I think I can do that, to be just a friend. I don’t want to lose you as a friend just because I want something more between us and you don’t. I‘m sorry if I put you in a position that makes you uncomfortable. Maybe I read the signals wrong, maybe I misread the vibes you gave out, I thought there was something between us when everything you had done had been in the name of friendship and now I‘ve made it awkward. I’m sorry.”

 

Julian had his head bowed and Sam noticed his hands clenched tightly in fists by his side. He stepped forward concerned, it was probably a mistake to tell Julian about his feelings for him.

 

Julian’s head shot up and Sam could see his mouth was trembling ever so slightly and his eyes seemed slightly sad and haunted.

 

“I felt the same”, he whispered.

 

“Same about what Julian”, Sam asked.

 

“The connection between us, the attraction.” he said, voice stronger.

 

“The second I saw you it felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest and it was as if time had stopped. This is going to sound really strange and creepy but the moment I laid eyes on you I knew you. I didn’t know your name or anything like that about you but I felt as if I had known you forever, I knew the shape of your eyes, your lips, your forehead. I knew you’d be a kind, considerate person. I knew you had a troubled past that was hidden by your easy going smile. And I was instantly attracted to you, I’ve never felt such a strong attraction to anyone in my life, ever. It felt like the moment I saw you, you, were what I was waiting for, had been waiting for since I woke up after my accident. It feels like you are what I need for my real life to begin, that what I‘ve been doing these past months was simply to pass the time until I met you, found you. And this scares me, I feel so much and a lot of it is unfamiliar. I don’t understand how someone as beautiful as you can feel anything for someone like me. I know I don‘t look it but I had a bad past, I‘ve done things I‘m so ashamed of, things that will haunt me forever. I’ve told you some of it, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I don‘t think I deserve someone like you but I can’t help wanting it.”

 

Sam was astounded, so the attraction was mutual. And it seemed that Julian’s feelings were just as intense as his own felt. He wanted to close the distance between them, to take the younger man in his arms and smooth the insecurity and vulnerability he felt away. He wanted to hear more about the ‘accident’ and the bad past Julian had mentioned and made a mental note to ask him about it later as Des shouted for Julian. And what about what Julian had said about 'knowing' him before they even met?

 

“Julian. I don’t care about what you did in the past. It’s who you are now that I want to get to know. You can’t let past mistakes pull you down. I know you are a special person, I don’t know how you can’t see that. I also have past mistakes and regrets, so don’t make it seem like I deserve someone better than you. What time do you get off? I’ll come get you. We can talk some more” Sam hurriedly offered, aware he was keeping Julian from his job.

 

“I’ll be done by six.” Julian answered tentatively.

 

Sam smiled. “Great. See you then.”

 

He smiled as he left the small office and approached the Impala.

 

"Des? Is it okay if I just take some stuff out of the car?" he asked. Des merely waved a hand in ackowledgemt frmo under the hood.

 

Sam pulled out the duffle of clothes and the one with the weapons and equipment from the undamaged trunk. Leaning down, trying to appear inconspicious he doublechecked the false bottom was firmly closed and locked.

 

“Hey Ben. Do you want to go now?”, Sam asked his friend.

 

He managed to persuade both Ben and Reno to drop him off at his apartment while they went home themselves.

 

“Dude, I’m fine. The doc already said I only needed someone for me for the first 24 hours and if nothing happened I’d be fine. I’m sure you guys have heaps of stuff to catch up on. I certainly do. And beside you both need to shower and shave”, he teased.

 

With repeated orders to call either of them if he felt the least bit sick, Sam waved them off from outside his apartment.

 

Sam sighed contentedly, a flutter of excitement in his belly. He was ready to tackle head on what life and fate had in store for him. The connection he felt for the young mechanic was strong and almost familiar. Sam knew he needed to find out what this attraction between them was, it could change his life.


	11. Chapter 11

  
Author's notes: hope you enjoy this chapter. i'm estimating only 2 more chapters and maybe an epilogue left.  


* * *

When Julian headed out of the garage at six exactly he spotted Sam sitting casually atop one of the picnic tables at the park across the road. When Sam spotted him he waved before unfolding himself and striding towards him. His long legs ate up the space and he was in front of him in mere moments.

 

“Hey Jay.”, Sam dimpled. He rocked back on his heels, a look of uncertainty briefly flashing across his face. 

 

“I was thinking we could go out and get something to eat if you want.”, he said.

 

Julian eyed his engine oil smeared overalls doubtfully. 

 

“I’m not exactly dressed to go out anywhere. And I didn’t bring a clean set of clothes to work today. I was gonna go straight home and have a quiet night in today” he said slowly, gesturing to his overalls.

 

“Oh.” Sam looked crestfallen for a second before he brightened. “Come back to my place then. Don’t worry bout the clothes, maybe I can lend you something. We can order take out.” he said, nodding in satisfaction.

 

“Uhh. Ok then.” Julian answered. 

 

“Great. Are you ok to walk? Since the Impala‘s not available.” Sam laughed.

 

Julian chest tightened as he watched Sam laugh lightly. It made him happy to see the other man happy. 

 

“Sure.”, he answered simply. 

The walk to Sam’s apartment was spent in a comfortable silence. 

 

Julian snuck quick glances at Sam beside him from time to time. He couldn’t understand in the short time he had known him how he could feel such a strong attachment to the other man. It felt like he had known Sam forever. And then there were the unexplainable dreams and flashes. What did they mean? Did they even mean anything? A lot of them were terrifying, images and feelings of blood and fire and danger that left him gasping and slightly nauseas. Other times he saw images of other people, people who seemed familiar to him but no matter how much he tried, no names ever came to him, it was as if there were a mental wall in his mind that refused him to see. He had seen Sam in his dreams months before he had met him, it couldn’t be a freak occurrence, it had to signify something and Sam was the key.

 

Once they arrived, Sam strode into the kitchen.

 

“Any preferences? Pizza? Chinese? Fried chicken?” he called out. 

 

“Pizza sounds good.”, Julian quickly answered.

 

“Great. What topping do you want?”, Sam asked.

 

“Anything is good. No olives though, oh and extra onion would be nice?”, Julian instinctively answered before he realized that he had never hated olives before and that he had never been that fond of onions on his pizza.

 

He opened his mouth to retract the words but stopped at seeing the expression on Sam’s face. 

 

“Is everything ok Sam?’, he asked worriedly 

 

Sam was slightly dazed as he answered. “Oh. Umm yeah sure. It just that… you seem to have the same taste as my brother. Just surprised me is all.”

 

“Oh. Ok.”, Julian wondered why Sam looked so sad as he mentioned his brother. Before he could ask, Sam smoothly changed the subject and Julian let it go.

 

By the time the pizza arrived Julian realized there was more to Sam then he presented to the world. He adeptly kept the conversation revolving around trivial matters or on Julian himself. Whenever Julian tried to ask more about Sam, Sam would skillfully change the topic before Julian could probe any further, he was intelligent and knowledgeable in a wide range of areas and behind the friendly college student there was a deep grief. Julian wondered what it was, what or who had caused it and if he would ever get close enough to Sam for him to find out. 

 

“You wanna get changed before we eat?” Sam asked as he placed the boxes of pizza on the kitchen counter and started pulling out napkins, plates and sodas. 

 

“Yeah, sure.” Julian readily agreed, wanting to get out of his greasy overalls. He stood in the living area as Sam disappeared into his room. A framed photograph drew his attention. He hadn’t noticed it the last time he was here after Sam’s accident. Before he could take a closer look Sam emerged moments with a plain white cotton t-shirt and black sweats. 

 

“These are probably a bit big but yeah. They should be ok.”, Sam said.

 

Julian thanked him before taking the offered garments. Sam returned to the kitchen as Julian pushed the overalls off his shoulders. 

 

The sweat pants, were as Sam predicted, quite long. Julian pulled the drawstrings tight at the waist and rolled the legs a few times till he was sure he wouldn’t trip on the material while walking. 

 

“Done yet, Jay? I’m starving”, Sam joked as he wondered back to the lounge area.

 

Julian blushed slightly, he hadn’t finished changing and Sam was standing in front of him waiting expectantly. When it appeared Sam was not going to move, Julian nervously pulled his t-shirt over his head. Chill, Julian, Just change so you can go eat, he told himself. He was used to hiding in his baggy clothes, ever since the attack he had been very wary around other people, especially males. Logically he knew Sam could be trusted, that he wouldn’t hurt him, but the memories of the attack were still fresh in his mind. He turned away from Sam slightly as he dropped his dirty shirt and pulled Sam’s over his head. 

 

“Where did you get that?”, Sam’s voice was strained and Julian sensed he had moved closer. 

 

Julian pulled the shirt down his chest and stumbled back slightly as he saw Sam had moved away from the doorway and was standing right in front of him, his face was pale and his eyes held an urgency. Sam caught him, hands gripping his upper arms as Julian realized he was falling backwards.

 

“Sorry. You ok? I didn’t mean to startle you.” Sam apologized.

 

“No. nah its fine. I just, umm I’m no good with people standing so close. But its cool now.”, Julian stammered, embarrassed as Sam made to back away from him. He wondered what had Sam so agitated.

 

“Where did you get that?” Sam repeated nodding at the pendant around his neck

 

Julian reached up to pull the pendant away from his chest. 

 

“This? Umm this is going to sound really stupid but I don’t really know. I woke up one day in hospital after I got the shit beat out of me and it was just there.”

 

Sam reached out and stroked the pendant. 

 

“You don’t remember getting it? That’s strange. It‘s not something you can find just anywhere.” he murmured. As far as he knew, Dean’s pendant had been a one of a kind, he had never, in all his years, seen another pendant the exact same replica as the one Dean cherished. 

 

Seeing the confused expression on Julian’s face, Sam sighed.

 

“Julian. I mentioned my brother earlier didn’t I? I loved my older brother, he was…everything to me. He died not so long ago. And I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.” Sam revealed abruptly. 

 

“But it’s just weird. He had the same pendant as you have. He never took it off, it was precious to him. Just seeing you with the same sort, it’s unsettling.” he continued. 

 

“Oh. I‘m sorry Sam” So this was the source of the grief Julian had sensed in Sam. 

 

“No. it’s my issue. Sorry for being so mopey. How bout we go eat? And you can tell me more about ending up in hospital. If you want.” Sam said, a hand sliding down Julian’s side to settle comfortably against his waist, careful to watch Julian’s body language and facial expressions to make sure it wasn’t making him uncomfortable.

 

Sam smiled as Julian settled against Sam’s hand and smiled shyly at him. Unable to resist he drew Julian into his arms, relieved when the younger man let him. 

 

“I’m glad I found you Julian”, Sam murmured. The younger man fit perfectly in his arms and he leaned forward and pressed a kiss against Julian’s jaw. Julian lifted his head up exposing more of his neck and jaw and Sam eagerly nuzzled the smooth skin and pressed a few more kisses along the jaw line. 

 

“I could fall so hard for you Jay.” Sam whispered as he tilted Julian’s chin up to look into his eyes. 

 

“Me too.” Julian answered honestly. 

 

Sam slowly pressed his mouth against Julian’s. It was a chaste kiss, Julian reached up around Sam and pulled his head down pressing their lips harder together. Sam moaned and kissed him hungrily, tongue licking at the younger man’s plump lips. Julian opened his mouth and let Sam’s tongue find entry. The kiss turned hard and wet. 

 

Julian’s heart was racing and his mind was spinning. Suddenly a barrage of moving images complete with sound effects flooded his mind. He was hardly aware of releasing his clenched fists from Sam’s shirt as image after image assaulted him. 

 

In his mind he saw the sequence of one of his more common nightmares. The difference was that this time he could hear everything that was happening. He was back in the house and something was terribly wrong. Heat waves shimmered around him and he could hear the crackling of fire as it spread in front of him. A dark haired man appeared holding a baby in his arms. The bundle was pushed into him. 

 

“Dean! Take Sammy outside. Now!”. He was Dean. In the dream he ran outside carrying the squirming baby, in his mind he was crying out for his dad, and his mom.

 

The images changed and suddenly he was in a motel room. He was facing his dad, a little boy with a mop of brown curls and puppy dog eyes sat attentively in front of the TV. Sammy, he thought.

 

“Do you remember everything I told you Dean?” his father asked.

 

“Call Pastor Jim if you’re not back in 3 days. Don’t open the door for anyone except you. Don’t leave the room. Watch out for Sammy.”

 

“Good boy. I’ll see you in 3 days”, his dad said, ruffling his short hair.

 

Julian didn’t know how long it went on but it felt like hours as memory after memory flashed before his eyes, the good ones, the painful ones, everything he had ever experienced was repeated in his mind. He knew that they were memories, not dreams as he had first thought. He was Dean. He had been dreaming about his life, it hadn’t been some freaky mental thing. In vivid detail he saw his last moments as Dean Winchester, fighting that poltergeist, slamming into the wall. And then waking up in the afterlife, well sort of, and then demanding to be sent back to Sammy. Only things hadn’t worked out exactly as he hoped, once you’re dead, you’re dead, he had had to ‘borrow’ another persons body. And here he was.

 

He slowly became aware of tears trickling down his face, and Sam was calling him, or rather Julian, his voice was urgent and…scared?

 

“Jay?! Can you hear me? Oh God. Jay.”

 

He opened his eyes once he realized they were squeezed tightly shut. Blinking he swiped a hand over his face, wiping the tears dry. He focused his gaze on Sam and realized from the awkward position he had to adopt to see him that he was lying flat on the ground, his upper area pulled against Sam’s chest as he knelt beside him.

 

“Sammy.”, his voice was rough and alien. It didn’t sound like Julian anymore. It sounded like him. Like Dean, albeit a little younger, like it had been back in his youth.

 

Sam jerked back in shock. His eyes widened. Julian’s blue eyes were no longer blue, now they were a beautiful green. They were compelling and very familiar. He had spent nearly every day of his entire life staring into them searching for the love and assurance he knew would always be there just for him. In his later years he had spent hours and hours gazing into the green orbs as he thrust into him, wanting to be as close and connected to him as possible.

 

“Jay… your eyes…your voice. It’s…Dean?”


	12. Chapter 12

  
Author's notes: drum rolls please. chapter 12 below =P. i cant believe the fic is almost finished.  


* * *

Sam stared at the boy he held in his lap. His mind was spinning as an array of thoughts chased one another in his head. He didn’t know what he was thinking, he didn’t know what to think. What the hell was happening? One moment he was kissing Julian and the next the younger man had collapsed in his arms. Fear had clenched his heart as he cradled the limp form in his arms and tried to wake him up. And then in a bizarre turn of events Julian was no longer Julian when he had opened his eyes. His eyes were now a familiar dazzling green, they were more aware and alert taking in the immediate surroundings, as if he had never really noticed them the first time, his voice was a little lower, a little more mature.

 

Sliding the still form off his lap, Sam blankly rose onto his knees before standing up and backing away.

 

“Sammy.” 

 

Julian scrambled to his knees clumsily and reached an arm towards Sam’s direction.

 

“What are you?!”, Sam snarled at him, slowly circling the room and moving cautiously towards the exit.

 

“Sammy, it’s me. Dean.”

 

Sam shook his head vehemently. “No. Shut the fuck up. Sick bastard, I don’t know what the hell kind of sick game you’re playing but I’m going to send you back to hell where you deserve to be.”

 

“Sammy. It’s me. I promise. I- Sammy?!” 

 

Sammy spun around and raced out of the room. Behind him he heard the creature swear and heard its footsteps as it raced after him. Dashing into his bedroom he dove in front of his closet and scrambled for the shotgun placed inside. Since he had no idea what the creature posing as Julian posing as some form of Dean was he also took hold of his silver dagger too. It skidded inside his room and stepped forward, hands held submissively in front of its chest.

 

“Sammy, listen to me-” it started.

 

Sam cocked the gun at the creature.

 

“It’s Sam. What the hell are you? Christo.” Sam looked expectantly at the eyes and when they didn’t show any reaction or turn an inky black his eyes hardened. Not a demon possession then. Maybe it was a shape-shifter. He tightened his grip on the silver dagger. He wouldn’t be able to tell for sure until it started shedding the skin it had on now. But it had been with him for a while now, it would need to start shedding soon. Inside he wasn’t so sure, never had he heard of a shapeshifter simultaneously using two different skins, it didn’t make sense.

 

“Sammy. I’m not a shapeshifter. You know that. It’s not possible. Listen to me-” it started.

 

“No! It can’t be. Dean’s dead. Dead and cremated. Has been for months now. I’m asking you one more time, what the hell are you?!”, Sam roared. He didn’t know what to think, had Julian been evil all along, was it just using the real Julian’s identity? The thought that some supernatural creature was also using Dean’s identity sickened him.

 

“Sam. I can prove it’s me. Just, put the weapons down.” it said.

 

Sam snarled and only tightened his hold on the weapons.

It smiled in amusement. “Okay. Okay.”

 

The smile disappeared. “Mom died pinned to the ceiling above your crib, her abdomen was slashed and the room set on fire when dad tried to save her. Dad gave you to me and told me to carry you outside. You were 6 months old, I was 4.”

 

“After that Dad searched for answers and found Missouri who told him about the supernatural world. From then on he hunted anything supernaturally evil and soon trained us to do the same thing. We crisscrossed the states, living out of crappy motel rooms and cheap apartments growing up. Need more convincing?” it gave a very Dean- like eyebrow raise and took a breath before continuing.

 

“You had been going to school for about 2 weeks before you came home one day and asked why other kids had a mommy but you didn’t. I told you God needed another angel in heaven and that’s why she had to leave us. You believed that until you were about 9 or 10.”

 

Sam’s throat tightened, he remembered asking Dean that and the response he was given.

 

“When you were nine you told dad there was a monster in your closet. He gave you a .49 to deal with it. You slept with it under your pillow for the next week, I nearly had a heart attack when I realized dad had given you a loaded gun and that you had forgotten to put the safety on one night. The next day I made sure it wasn’t loaded before sneaking it back under your pillow. You never even noticed”.

 

“You’re scared of clowns and caterpillars creep you out. You go to sleep on your stomach but somehow you always wake up on your back in the morning. You drink girly coffee. You can’t handle more than 2 bottles of beer. Your first crush was when you were 12 and you fell for what’s-her-name, the redhead with the braces and pigtails-”

 

“Cindy Stevens.” Sam said softly. The hand holding the gun trembled slightly.

 

“ You started craving a normal life when you hit 14, you fought constantly with dad about everything, school, hunting. You applied to go to Stanford in secret and didn’t tell us until the day before you were gonna leave. You took on casual work at the campus’ student coffee shop for extra cash. You fell in love with Jess. You were gonna to propose to her.”

 

“Stop.” Sam’s chest heaved as emotions flooded him. He shook his head in denial, those were things only Dean himself would know, but it simple could not be possible.

 

“I don’t understand how any of this is possible. I don’t know what’s happening.”

 

“Sammy, please.”

 

Tears streaked freely from Sam’s eyes. His frame trembled lightly as he fought to contain his grief and pain. He wanted to believe so bad that Dean had somehow found a way to make his way back to him.

 

A burst of shimmering light enveloped the small bedroom. Sam spun around and blinked against the golden shimmer. It faded away and Sam felt his jaw drop as he spied a handsome young man sitting cross legged on his rumpled bed. He had spiky blonde hair, bright blue eyes and was dressed simply in clean white shirt and well worn jeans. What really caught Sam’s attention though, were the stunning white feathery wings flapping lazily against the stranger’s back. 

 

“I feel this is where I should step in and clear the air. Why don’t you put the weapons away Sam? You won‘t be needing them”, he drawled.

 

Sam swallowed heavily. “Are you an…an angel?” he asked.

“Angel is the closest term humans have to what I am, so I suppose so.” he answered thoughtfully.

 

Sam placed the shotgun and dagger onto the drawer top. “Why are you here?”

 

“To help.” he said simply.

 

“Your brother loves you very much Sam. He gave up eternal rest and peace to come back to you. What the boy is saying is true. He is Dean. Well mostly. Have you heard of reincarnation Sam?” he continued, nodding at Julian.

 

Feeling dizzy, Sam sank slowly to his knees.

 

The angel slid off the bed and came beside him. 

 

“It’s alright Sam. Breathe. Shh it’s ok”, he crooned, wrapping an arm across his back.

 

Julian/Dean slowly approached the other side and knelt on Sam’s other side.

 

He hesitantly ran a hand through Sam’s hair. 

 

“I remember now Sammy. When you kissed me. It was as if the floodgates holding my life memories just burst open and they all came rushing through. I remember hitting that wall, I remember you holding me, talking to me, I remember the rush to the hospital and then the light and the peace. Since that day that I woke up I felt as if there were 2 people inside me, 2 different lives, 2 different sets of memories, 2 different sets of likes, dislikes, preferences. I thought I was going crazy. I tried to block it off, to be who I thought I was, Julian Morrison. And then I met you, and there was this connection, these memories.” 

 

“Sam, Dean refused to accept his place in heaven, he came back to you, but there were complications, you can’t bring back the dead especially when you don’t have a physical body anymore. But Dean was adamant and here we are. Julian was an 18 year old living off the streets, stealing and selling himself to survive. A few months ago he was attacked and left for dead, it was time for him to pass on, to have a life with no suffering, no pain. His soul passed on and we were able to give Dean the body to ‘inhabit’. Unfortunately there was a price to pay, Dean would have the physical body but he would also have to keep the memories too and because of that it took a little while longer for you to reunite. I tried to help as best I could but I have limitations, we aren’t supposed to ‘meddle’ in the lives of mortals.” the angel explained carefully. 

 

Sam lifted his head. “It was you earlier wasn’t it? The voice I heard, telling me to follow my heart, reassuring me. I thought I was hearing things.”

 

The angel smiled and nodded. 

 

The truth was finally beginning to sink in. 

 

“Dean?”, Sam’s voice was small and uncertain, as if he hardly dared to believe what he had been told.

 

“Yeah Sammy. It’s me. Different packaging and all but it’s still me.” Dean said.

 

Sam threw himself at Dean, sobbing as he felt his arms go round him. The embrace was unfamiliar, but the feeling of love and warmth that enveloped Sam was not. Sam’s mind told him it was Dean holding him tightly but the physical feeling of Julian’s smaller and slimmer frame did not match his memories of previous times he had been held by Dean. It would take some getting used too. Not only was Dean shorter and slimmer now but also younger too, Sam thought with shock. 

 

“I think this is my cue to leave hmm?” the angel drawled.

 

Sam fidgeted uncomfortably as he realized he had been reduced to a blubbering mess in front of the angel who he had forgotten was there. 

 

“Thank you Mark. For everything.” Dean said softly.

 

Mark smiled. “Your love is pure. If this is what makes you happy then so be it. Take care of each other now. I don’t mean this to be taken the wrong way but I hope it will be many, many years before I see either of you again.”.

 

Dean laughed. And in a flash of golden light the angel was gone.

 

Dean looked down at Sam’s face pressed against his chest. “Sammy. C’mon, you’re soaking my shirt.” he joked lightly.

 

Sam sniffed, reminding him of a little child.

 

Dean placed a finger under Sam’s chin and tilted his face upwards. “Love you Sammy. Can’t believe I managed to find you.” he said honestly and a little shaken.

 

“God, Dean. I missed you so damn much.”, Sam whimpered. He lunged forward and caught Dean in an urgent kiss. Rough, wet, urgent and demanding. Using his superior size and weight to dominate, he pressed Dean down onto the carpet beneath him, settling between Dean’s outspread legs. He ravished Dean’s plump lips, licking and biting. It was slightly unsettling to be hearing Dean’s moans and encouragements and at the same time seeing Julian’s features beneath him. 

 

He snaked a hand between their bodies and slid a hand under Dean’s shirt, feeling smooth skin and muscles rippling under his palm. He slid his hand further down pulling lightly at the waist of his sweats. 

 

“Want you so much.” Sam panted, grinding his erection against Dean’s stomach.

 

Dean froze at the close contact. His mind was suddenly filled with memories of rough hands, sneering voices and smelly dark alleyways. They were Julian’s memories. All of a sudden he couldn’t fight down the panic growing in his chest as he found himself pinned down beneath the larger man. 

 

“Stop.” he gasped, pushing at Sam’s chest.

 

Sam blinked confusedly and was slow to react.

 

“What?”, he murmured, not moving.

 

“Get off me. Now. Please, oh God.” Dean begged, again hands pushing at Sam’s chest, and writhing under him, trying to escape. 

 

Sam quickly rolled off him. Sitting up beside him he watched in confusion and concern as Dean quickly put some distance between them and ran a shaky hand through his hair and sorted his mussed clothes.

 

“Dean. What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Sam worried.

 

“No! It’s nothing like that. I just. I can’t.”, Dean mumbled.

 

“Dean. You’re frightened of me. I can see it.” Sam said, eyeing the panic in his eyes and the wary way he held himself, as if he suspected Sam would launch himself at him any second. 

 

“It’s nothing like that Sam! I told you already.”, Dean quickly countered.

 

Sam didn’t look convinced, horror dawned on his face and he rushed out of the room.

 

“Sammy?! Sammy! Where are you going?” Dean yelled after him. He quickly followed as Sam collapsed on the sofa in the lounge and curled into a ball, shaking.

 

“Sammy?”, Dean pressed.

 

“Don’t. Don’t come any closer. I nearly hurt you. Oh God.”

 

Dean’s heart sank as he realized Sam was convinced he had hurt him. 

 

He knelt beside the sofa and rubbed Sam’s back with soothing circles. 

 

“No, you’ve got it wrong Sammy. My mind is all messed up. The kid, Julian. He’s had a tough life, it’s…shit it’s painful to experience. They’re so powerful, so real, as if I had experienced them too, I guess that’s the price I pay for refusing to die and pass over. The kid has issues with sex. It got to me when we were kissing, I couldn’t differentiate between myself and his experiences. I’m sorry Sammy.”

 

Sam had stopped shaking and lay still as he listened to Dean’s confession.

 

He sat up and lightly pulled Dean onto the sofa to sit beside him.

 

“He did tell me he had a difficult past but I never expected it was something like this. I think I understand better now. Sorry for jumping you earlier.’ he said.

 

“Hey. Hey. It’s ok Sammy. I was enjoying it…until Julian‘s fear got in the way.” Dean assured him, leaning forward and kissing Sam lightly on the lips.

Sam seemed relieved. “I love you Dean. I can’t believe you’re really here.” he admitted.

 

“You’re the most important thing in the world to me , I plan on being around a long time Sammy".


	13. Chapter 13

  
Author's notes: omg. final chapter. its done. here it is. keep an eye out for the epilogue to be posted shortly =P i seriously cannot believe its all done.  


* * *

Even though they were both exhausted, Sam and Dean spent the next few hours just talking about anything and everything. With a bit of encouragement, pleading and insistence Sam got Dean to tell him a little bit about Julian’s past. They wouldn’t be able to move on if Dean didn’t face and conquer the boy’s issues. It was painful for Dean to bare Julian’s emotions and fears which were now also his and it was just as painful for Sam to hear. No one, especially the sensitive boy Julian had seemed to be deserved such a terrible upbringing. The fact that now Dean himself had to bear these memories was hard to accept and Sam was doubly grateful that Dean had done this so he could come back to him. Neither could really believe the stunning turn of events, that they were finally together again after a number of long, lonely months was mind blowing. The impromptu counseling seemed to help and they talked into the early hours of the morning before falling asleep wrapped in each other’s arms with hardly any fear on Julian‘s part.

 

When Sam woke up, the sun was shining brightly and Dean was nowhere to be found. Afraid it had all been a dream he was about to jump out of bed when he noticed the bathroom door slightly ajar and heard movement from within. Relaxing slightly he stared up at the ceiling and let the previous night run through his head. When Dean still hadn’t come back after a few moments and he didn’t hear any running water he climbed out of bed to investigate what was keeping him.

 

He padded to the bathroom and pushed the door open, the sight he was greeted with stopped him in his tracks.

 

“Dean? What are you doing?”. Sam asked huskily.

 

Dean stood in front of the bathroom mirror, the shirt he had borrowed from Sam lay crumpled on the floor. 

 

“Checking out my new identity. This kid is…is…cute.”, Dean ended in exsaperation. 

Sam padded up behind him, wrapping his arms around the shorter man’s bare chest.

 

“Yeah. I guess that’s one word to describe the new you.”, Sam said, bending his knees slightly and propping his chin on Dean’s shoulder, eyes locked on their reflection. 

 

“But…cute! As in puppy dogs and newborn babies. That’s…God, anything but that sort of cute. That‘s more your style then mine Sammy”, Dean groaned.

 

Sam just grinned in amusement as Dean went on, warming up to the subject. He jabbed his stomach with a slender finger.

 

“Crap. I hardly have any muscles. I have girly skin, girly lips. I’m skinny, looks like a strong wind would blow me over. Oh God! I’m so short! Sammy! I’m. Goddamn. Short.”

 

Sam cracked up. The sight of Dean poking himself and freaking over his new looks was too funny to resist baiting him a little. 

 

“But Dean. The chicks dig guys like you. Slender, dark curls, freckles, creamy skin.”

 

Dean narrowed his eyes. “Not another word out of you Sammy.”, he warned.

 

Sam snorted and tightened his grip on him. Dean’s eyes fluttered closed as Sam nuzzled his neck.

 

He moaned softly and sunk back against Sam’s chest as Sam found the sensitive place at the base of his neck and bit and sucked gently.

 

“Dean. You came back to me. You literally moved heaven and earth to come back to me and I love you more than ever for it. I’m ashamed to admit that I’m glad you did it, I should feel guilty for being the reason you couldn’t pass on to a better place but I don’t. I love you no matter your shape, size or colouring. I’m sorry you don’t like your new identity.”

 

“Sammy. Stop. You’re my better place. You’re my heaven. I don’t regret my choice for a second. And I was just having a mini breakdown about everything that’s happened. I don’t really hate my new look, I just needed something to be emotional about. Besides you’re right. Chicks do dig this sort of look. And you know what else? This should make hustling at poker even more easier.”

 

A startled laugh escaped Sam. 

 

“You really meant what you said about loving me no matter what? Be glad I didn’t come back as an balding mid-40’s dude with a beer belly.”, Dean added.

 

Sam shuddered before grinning evilly. “Dude. Don’t even say it. Hey, speaking of beer. You do realize you’re not anywhere close to 21 yet? No going out to bars for awhile then.”.

 

Sam watched Dean’s eyes widen in genuine horror.

 

“God, Sammy! The things I do for you! You owe me big time! I can‘t drink. I‘m short. I‘m not ruggedly handsome anymore. I can‘t…hunt? Sam, what have you been doing since I died? Have you been hunting? Shit! The Impala! What the hell happened?” Dean asked spinning around to face Sam in his arms.

 

Sam looked guilty. “I’m so sorry about the Impala Dean. I was hunting and I didn’t finish the job properly” he explained, widening his eyes innocently.

 

“Sam! What were you thinking?! You could have been killed. Hell you were hurt and by yourself. I don’t care about the damage to the Impala only that you got hurt. What were you thinking?!”, Dean exploded.

 

Sam let go of Dean and stepped back.

 

“I didn’t care ok! You were gone. Dad was gone. I didn’t have anyone. Anything. I. Didn’t. Care. Not anymore. I thought you would have approved. Hunting things, Saving lives. The family business.”

 

“Ahh Sammy. All I wanted was for you to be happy. Don’t ever go hunting without back up again.” Dean sighed, pulling Sam back into his hold.

 

“What are we going to do about hunting Dean? I don’t like the idea of you going back to that. If I lose you again… I don’t think I’d be able to live. And then there’s your new life. Your job at the garage. And how are we going to explain the changes? Your eyes and voice. They’re not Julian any more.” Sam worried.

 

“We’ll figure everything out later Sammy. Let‘s just. Enjoy finally being together again.”

 

Sam pulled him flush against him. Encouraged by Dean’s relaxed frame against his, he let his arms slide around Dean’s middle tracing his lower back and shoulders. 

 

Dean pressed into him and linked his arms around Sam’s neck. It was disconcerting to realize the new height difference between them. Sam pressed a kiss against his lips and Dean let himself fall into the moment. Sam’s lips were soft and dry and very gentle. Dean deepened the kiss, pressing his lips hungrily against Sam’s. It had been a long time since he had connected to him this way. Sam eagerly responded, one hand placed flat against Dean’s lower back and the other snaking up to grip Dean’s hair. His tongue swiped at Dean’s lips demanding entrance and he groaned as Dean opened his mouth and let Sam’s tongue slip in. Wanting to taste every part of him, Sam hungrily attacked Dean’s mouth, drawing Dean’s tongue into his mouth, sucking and tasting. 

 

He navigated Dean’s pliant frame backwards until his hips bumped against the bathroom counter. Sliding his hands down to Dean’s narrow waist he pushed him gently until Dean got the message and slid onto the slick countertop. The height difference was more even now as Dean sat on the countertop and Sam pressed in between Dean’s outspread thighs. 

 

Dean moaned feverishly as Sam thoroughly kissed him, he gasped as Sam’s warm wet mouth slid down his neck and collarbone, pressing quick kisses along the way. His cock hardened as Sam nipped at the sensitive skin on his collarbone and he jerked in surprise as Sam slid further down and took a nipple into his mouth. Throwing his head back, Dean moaned and tightened his grip on Sam’s hair.

 

“God Sammy. Don’t stop. Mmmm. More.”

 

Dean squirmed on the countertop as Sam continued his assault, now dividing his attention between both nipples.

 

With one hand on Dean’s hip holding him still, Sam slid his other hand to Dean’s stomach, resting just above his groin area. Leaning forward he bit down gently on a wet nipple.

 

Dean back arched and he cried out, his grip on Sam’s hair near painful. Sam took the opportunity to slide his hand into Dean’s loose sweats. With a wary eye on Dean’s reactions he gently placed his hand flat against Dean’s cock. It twitched in response and seeing no discomfort on Dean’s part he gently closed his fingers around the shaft, gripping lightly. Dean panted and rocked his hips, thrusting his cock against Sam’s loose hold.

 

“Sammy. Sammy. Feels so good.” Dean whimpered.

 

Sam kissed him gentley, placing his forehead against Dean’s, he looked into his eyes.

 

“You ok Dean?”, he asked.

 

“More than ok Sammy.”, Dean answered, rocking his hips.

 

Sam grinned and lightly thumbed the tip of Dean’s cock.

 

“Fuck!”, Dean panted.

 

“Wanna take this to the bedroom?’, Sam asked huskily.

 

“Hell yeah”, Dean growled.

 

They stumbled out of the bathroom and towards Sam’s rumpled bed, Sam stripping off his t-shirt on the way. Dean settled back onto the bed, a delicious sight with his inviting eyes, mussed hair, swollen lips and bare chest. 

 

Sam crawled onto the bed and lay on his side beside Dean’s stretched body. Toying with the elastic waist of Dean’s sweats he shifted uncomfortably.

 

“You make me so hard Dean”, he moaned.

 

Dean smiled seductively as Sam pushed his thighs apart and knelt between them. He lifted his hips up as Sam tugged at the sweats and slowly slid them off his legs. Sam tossed them onto the floor and kept his eyes glued to Dean spread open beneath him. He slowly stroked a hand up Dean’s inner thigh, skimming his cock lightly. Dean gasped and bucked upwards. 

 

Unable to wait any longer Sam tugged off his pants, throwing them aside and pressing flat against Dean, propping his arms by Dean’s head so that not all of his weight was pressing down onto him. He hungrily took Dean’s mouth in demanding kiss, shifting so that their cocks met and rubbed against each other.

 

“I want to fuck you Dean. I need you so much.”, Sam murmured against his mouth. 

 

“Then do it.”, Dean hoarsely replied, bucking against him.

 

Sam reached over to his bedside drawer, cursing as he fumbled for the lube. Scrambling to his knees between Dean’s thighs he leant forward and pressed a kiss on the inner skin of Dean’s upper thigh. Dean sighed as Sam pressed a line of kisses up his thigh. He heard the pop of the lid of lube being opening and a few moments later he felt Sam’s fingers coated in lube searching for entry. He held himself still as he felt the tip of Sam’s finger penetrate him. Fighting the sudden anxiety Julian’s subconscious was sending him, Dean concentrated on deep, even breaths and thought back to the many times he and Sam had made love. Logically he knew there was nothing to be afraid of, consensual sex could be good and Sam would never hurt him but Julian’s subconscious was traumatized from previous experiences and irrational when it came to sexual activities. 

 

“Dean?” Sam asked, noticing Dean’s pale face, stiff form and unfocused gaze. He began to crawl backwards off the bed.

 

“No! Sammy don’t. Don’t leave.”, Dean begged, squirming forward and pushing his hips down against Sam’s finger.

 

Sam groaned, feeling Dean’s tightness as his finger was enveloped by smooth tight muscle.

 

“Are you sure, Dean? We can stop if you want.”, Sam groaned. He wasn’t sure if he could be able to stop but he would do anything to make sure Dean was alright.

 

“I’m sure Sam.” Dean panted, lifting up his knees and placing his feet flat on the bed, giving Sam better access.

 

“So tight Dean. I can’t wait until it’s my cock inside you.”, Sam breathed.

 

Sam removed his finger, recoating it with more lube before returning it to Dean’s entrance. When he had slid it in to the knuckle he once again removed it before going back with two fingers this time. Dean was still tight and Sam took the time to ease into him gently, scissoring his fingers to stretch him. Dean whined and pressed against Sam’s hand and Sam fought to keep from coming. Breathing hard, he turned his thoughts away from Dean being stretched open beneath him. Once he felt in control again he concentrated on penetrating Dean with a third finger. Dean thrashed beneath him as he was stretched open further.

 

“God. It burns. Sammy! Ngh”, Dean cried out as Sam’s fingers found the bundle of nerves and pleasure shot through him.

 

“Easy Dean. Easy.”, Sam crooned. He crooked his fingers inside Dean and watched as he thrashed beneath him. 

 

When Sam was sure Dean was as stretched as he could be with three fingers, he slowly removed the digits and quickly coated his cock with lube. 

 

“How do you want to do this Dean?” he murmured.

 

Dean nervously licked his lips with his tongue. 

 

“I want to see you Sam”, he answered. 

 

Sam nodded, shuffling closer with one hand propped on the bed he gripped his slick cock with the other and guided it to Dean’s stretched entrance. Dean grunted as the tip breached his entrance. 

 

More and more of Sam’s shaft was accepted, slowly sliding in as the tight muscles gave way. Sam gasped as Dean impatiently groaned, hands frantically pushing at Sam’s lower back. Perspiration beaded Sam’s forehead and back and a surprised grunt escaped him as Dean slid his hands to Sam’s buttocks and pulled him into him as he thrust his hips sharply upwards. The rest of Sam’s cock slipped into Dean until he was nestled closely against him.

 

“Shit. Dean. So fucking tight.”, Sam moaned as his cock was enveloped in tight warmth and milked by pulsing muscles. 

 

Dean’s eyes were tightly squeezed, quick pants escaped his open mouth. His eyes snapped open when Sam took his hard cock into his lube slicked hand. Eyes rolling back in pleasure he arched his hips as Sam began stroking Dean’s cock in a slow leisurely rhythm, sliding his closed fist up and down the shaft. 

 

Unable to wait any longer, Sam experimentally withdrew his cock a few inches before thrusting back into Dean’s heat.

 

“Fuck”, Sam moaned.

 

“God. Yeah do that again. More Sammy.”, Dean groaned at the same time.

 

Needing no encouragement Sam reared back and thrust back into Dean again. Falling into a steady rhythm he rocked in and out of Dean, at the same time, fisting Dean’s cock, rubbing to the rythym of his strong steady thrusts. Dean was tight and hot as he bucked beneath Sam. He cried out in pleasure as Sam rammed his cock into him hitting the bundle of nerves continually. He was lost in ecstasy as Sam increased his thrusts and tightened his grip on his cock, sliding his palm against the shaft and thumbing the tip oozing pre-come. Spreading his thighs further to allow Sam to sink deeper into him, Dean breathed a string of encouragements. He could feel the build up of his oncoming orgasm, Sam was increasing the speed and strength of his thrusts, Dean could see he was close to the edge.

 

“God, Dean. I’m gonna come.”,Sam gasped, sweat flying off his brow as he slammed into him.

 

Abandoning his grip on Dean’s cock, his slick fingers slid down to his balls, cupping them gently, at the same moment he removed most of his cock from Dean and thrust back in, hitting his prostate hard. Dean groaned and saw stars as he came hard, spilling his come over Sam’s hand and his stomach. Sam thrust in jerky movements a few more times before he also orgasmed and collapsed on top of Dean. 

 

Dean closed his eyes in contentment, he was finally back where he belonged. A few moments later and Sam was till lying on top of him. Dean sighed and pushed at a broad shoulder. 

 

“Sam. You’re squashing me” he said.

 

Sam groaned and slowly rolled off him, gently removing his cock from Dean. He lay beside him on his back, Dean turned onto his side to see him. He ran a hand through Sam’s hair which was matted to his brow. He wasn’t normally that touchy-feely after sex but considering the circumstances he wasn’t about to give up the opportunity to be affectionate with Sam. Sam smiled and leaned into the touch. They lay in silence as the sweat cooled from their bodies and their breaths evened out. 

 

A low grumble interrupted the peace and Sam snorted as he realized it had come from Dean.

 

“God. I’m starving.”, he mumbled.

 

Sam sat up and stretched his arms above his head. 

 

“We never got around to eating the pizza from last night did we? No wonder you‘re so hungry. How bout we take a quick shower before we eat?”, Sam suggested, running a possessive hand down Dean’s thigh. 

 

It was a tight fit in the shower cubicle, it wasn’t meant for more than one occupant in the first place but Sam had never been happier. He had Dean back in his arms where he belonged. They leisurely showered, taking turns to wash the other with the bar of soap, letting their hands slide over wet skin. 

 

Breakfast was a casual and messy affair. The cold pizza was quickly reheated and coffee made. Similarly clad in plain cotton shirts and sweats they crowded onto the sofa with the food and channel surfed on the TV. Between bites of pizza they exchanged quick messy kisses as neither could stay away from the other for long. Although they had not yet discussed the future and the obstacles they faced they had each other again and nothing was going to change that. For now, all was right in the world.


	14. Epilogue

  
Author's notes: its finished!! below is the epilogue. i've gone for a bit of light humour and overall sappiness. i know i havent addressed a lot of issues cos i just felt like it was time to end the fic. i'm still working on the m/m sex as you can probably notice but i'm hoping i'll get better, lol.  
anyway read on and i hope you enjoy it.  


* * *

One month later.

 

Dean snuck quietly back into the bedroom and towards Sam sprawled naked in bed, fast asleep. Beams of weak sunlight filtered throught the windo blinds displaying patterns over the bed and Sam’s prone form. He had gotten up early and crept out of bed to make breakfast for Sam. It was a Saturday morning so neither of them had to be anywhere and they could spend the day in bed if they wanted, which Dean was planning on. Carefully balancing the breakfast tray in his arms he looked down to check he had arranged everything perfectly. Two cups of hot coffee. Check. Plate of pancakes, piled high. Check. So ok they weren’t perfectly shaped but it was the thought that counts right? Stick of butter. Check. Bottle of syrup. Check. Two forks. Check. Napkins. Check. Perfect.

 

Placing the tray on the bedside table, he took a moment to admire the hard lines of Sam’s muscular chest, broad shoulders and flat stomach. Removing the sweats he had carelessly thrown on when he had woken up, he lifted up the blanket and crawled into the bed. Sam didn’t even stir. Poor baby, Dean thought, all worn out from the previous night’s activities.

 

Sliding down the bed further, he wriggled down between Sam’s thighs. Opening his nouth he took the tip of Sam’s soft cock into his mouth. Swirling his tongue over the head he waited until it gave an interested twitch and began to harden. Tasting the unique flavour of Sam, Dean released his cock and licked a long stripe up one side. Sam moaned and shifted his hips. Dean looked up and grinned as he saw Sam was still asleep. Bastard was missing out on all the fun. Dean returned his atttention back to Sam’s now full erection, planting his arms besides Sam’s hips for better leverage he leaned down and took as much of Sam’s cock as he could into his mouth. 

 

“Jesus Christ!”, Sam hissed as his eyes snapped open and his hips lifted off the bed. 

 

Dean gagged slightly as the action pushed more of Sam’s cock down his throat.

 

“Shit. Sorry baby.”, Sam gasped, pulling back a little and letting Dean take control again.

 

He moaned and gripped the rumpled blankets tightly as Dean sucked him. He thrust gently into Dean’s mouth and his eyes rolled back in pleasure as Dean deep throated him. The sensations were amazing and he couldn’t help increasing the strength and speed of his thrusts. 

 

Dean snaked a hand to his own erect cock as Sam writhed beneath him and he tasted Sam’s pre-come trickle into his mouth. Fisting his own cock tightly he rubbed himself in time with Sam’s thrusts.

 

“God. Yeah, more. Don’t stop. Fuck.”, Sam moaned as he thrust into Dean’s warm, wet mouth. Feeling the peak approaching, he slid a hand to his nipple, twisting and tugging before rubbing and soothing himself. 

 

“Gonna come, babe.”Sam panted, hand frantically stimulating the nubs on his chest, thrusting urgently into Dean’s mouth.

 

He shouted wordlessly as he came in Dean’s mouth. Dean accepted the stream of come, swallowing what he could and letting the rest trickle down his chin. Increasing his strokes he started to bring himself to orgasm, Sam watched with hooded eyes and the heated stare was all he needed to find his release.

 

Picking up the discarded sweats, Sam used it to clean away the cum on his stomach and on Dean’s chin and hands. 

 

“You’re insatiable, Dean.” Sam teased lovingly.

 

“Don’t see you complainin’ Sammy.” Dean smirked, lax against the pillows.

 

“Jerk”

 

“Bitch”

 

Sam smiled and eyed the tray on the bedside table.

 

“What’s this? You made breakfast Dean? Aww baby, you shouldn’t have”, Sam crooned, knowing his tone would get a indignant reaction out of Dean.

 

“Shut up. Not like I had anything better to do. You were dead to the world”, Dean retorted, smacking Sam on the arm. 

 

“Well, it’s your fault. You’re the reason! I wasn’t the one that was begging to be fucked into the mattress last night. Three times.” Sam said.

 

Dean smirked. 

 

“You implying you can’t keep up Sammy? Lost your stamina?”.

 

He cracked up as Sam huffed and glared at him. 

 

“Just joking, baby. You’re more than man enough for me”, Dean said crawling into Sam’s lap. 

 

Sam nuzzled Dean’s neck, placing a kiss behind his ear. It was moments like these that he craved. Together with Dean and shut away from the rest of the world and its worries.

 

While they demolished the stack of pancakes Dean had made, Sam thought about the new directions their lives were taking them. They had talked long and hard and had come to the agreement to stop hunting. They had sacrificed enough and paid enough and it was now up to other capable hunters to do the job. They weren’t going to completely alienate themselves from the hunting community though, they were more than willing to share their knowledge and expertise with anyone who needed it but they would no longer actively seek out hunts. Dean had moved into Sam’s place almost immediately. He had decided to only work part time at Des’ garage, only because the money would help him to pay for whatever course he was going to choose to further his education. Sam had finally extracted Dean’s secret desire to further his education. He was more than intelligent but he had focused that into hunting and nothing else. Now with a new identity and a clean slate he could do whatever he wanted to. Explaining Julian’s slightly different appearance was difficult but because Julian hardly knew anyone there were few people he needed to make an explanation to. Dean simply explained that he was naturally green eyed and that he had been wearing blue contacts to experiment with his appearance. The explanation was lame but no one could really argue against it. With his different voice, Dean simply altered it when at work. Although he was genuinely fond of his job and the people he worked with, Dean couldn’t see himself staying too long. 

 

“So Dean, have you thought any more about what you wanna do?” Sam asked curiously. The new semester at the small local college started in a few short weeks and Dean would have to get the appropriate documents signed and posted if he wanted to enroll. 

 

Dean shrugged noncommittally.

 

“I was thinking…engineering maybe?” he mumbled hesitantly through a mouthful of pancake.

 

“That sounds perfect, dude”, Sam answered enthusiastically. He could see throught the careless façade that Dean wore that he was uncertain about his own intelligence and he didn’t believe he was capable, he was also excited about the possibility of college but expected things to go wrong at any moment. Sam vowed to work on his brother’s self esteem and confidence, he knew Dean was more than capable.

 

“I’ve been thinking…”, Sam began casually.

 

“That I should withdraw from my law degree.”, he ended.

 

Dean choked on his mouthful of coffee.

 

“What! Sammy, what the fuck are you talking about? It’s all you ever wanted.”, Dean said angrily.

 

“You’re all that I ever wanted Dean. Yeah I thought being a lawyer was what I wanted but things change, people change. I don’t want that anymore. I don’t think I ever even wanted it. It was so normal, I mean what is more normal than going to college, studying law, becoming a lawyer, working 9-5 and coming home to a white picket fence, dog and 2.3 kids? But now I realise that‘s not what I wanted. I just wanted the security normal offered. I have security with you, I don’t need the law degree. Its boring, not for me. I think I might take a look at what other degrees Stanford has to offer, something I can enjoy”, Sam rushed.

 

Dean was quiet for a moment. Then he nodded. 

 

“Whatever you want Sam. I want you to be happy.” he answered slowly.

 

Sam pulled him onto his lap.

 

“Love you Dean”

 

“You too, Sammy.”

 

From the heavens above a lone angel watched over the loving couple. He smiled indulgently as he eavesdropped on their conversation. Sam and Dean Winchester were a force to be reckoned with, they had suffered hardships in their life but their love kept them strong and together and now they would reap the fruits of their labor, their sacrifices. The love they shared was rare, one of a kind. He could see they had a beautiful future ahead of them. 

 

-The end-


End file.
